i have recently split up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. I am incredibly sad about this, I love him and i feel incredibly guilty that I couldn?t make it work. He co parents his daughter and has a demanding ex. I couldn?t embrace all the drama and emotional turbulence, I couldn?t detach and felt more and more resentful and would find myself crying over the silliest thing.
I had posted on here 6 months previously about my apprehensions about the future of our relationship and received some really good advice and insight which I appreciated. My main issues were that i didnt have much quality time with my partner as he works long hours and co parents his daughter 50:50 with his ex who lives 10minutes from his house. He is the greatest hands on dad and I love that about him and i have a loving relationship with his daughter. However i often felt like i was being sucked up, and that there wasn?t any room for me and my needs and that our relationship wasn?t able to grow in a healthy manner. I was always having to adapt to everybody elses needs. There was never a honeymoon period and there was always some drama going on with his ex who he would pander too as he doesn?t like conflict. We never had a weekend away together in the time we were together, let alone a holiday together. He works on Saturdays and on Sundays he has his daughter and he didn?t want to upset the rota. I am 36 and at an age where i would love to settle down and think about having my own children, but felt that i could never explore that as i wasnt having any time with my partner and that i was unsure as to whether i wanted a life always worrying about the next predicament that his ex was going to get herself involved with. He was very much up for the idea of having children with me but I felt too unsettled and unstable with all the chaos he was involved with. He always said that things would be different if we lived together but I felt unsure, my main concern was that it would be worse as I would be living with it all 24/7. We broke up 2 months ago but I am still very emotionally involved. He has just found out that his ex has decided that she wants to marry her new boyfriend of six months and move to Scotland, we live in London and she either wants to leave her 7 year old daughter in London with him full time till she feels she is sorted enough to take her daughter to Scotland or she wants to take her daughter with her - she is still undecided. Either way it?s going to be incredibly upsetting for the daughter not to have both her parents on hand. He is distraught and has suddenly realized that he has been so concerned about upsetting his ex for the past three years and hasn?t put himself or his own needs first. He wants us to try again with our relationship, to make it work but I have huge reservations as I feel that once this drama has settled there will be another, and that this is how it will be. Also there is going to be a real change if he keeps his daughter or if the mum does take her. He will have less time either way for himself as if he isn?t being a full time dad he will be travelling to and from Scotland on his time off. Basically I am beating myself up with wanting to be supportive and in the back of my mind I want this to work but I need to toughen up but then I also have the urge to run. So I?m not sure what I?m asking here really but I just wanted to offload. I probably want someone to say it will all be okay and that love is enough. And that every relationship has it difficulties so just embrace. I don?t know what is normal anymore! And reading some of the posts on here i know my situation isnt that bad. I have a partner who loves me but i dont feel comfortable with the situation. I don?t know whether I have just got too involved and I should let him deal with the ex in his own way and keep out of it. But it riles me so! I love him to bits but I?m not sure how healthy this is for me. My friends and family are exhausted with it all and I can?t talk to them about it anymore and that is why I am here. Any insight or advice? does it get easier? do you just adapt? or do you just drink more alcohol?!!Many thanks