The realities of marriage

[caliDreaming]

Hello :)

I got married to my wonderful H less than a year ago. I'm happy, he's fantastic in every way.

Even though I'm happy, I find myself a bit scared really. Nothing to do with us as a couple, but I have just been surrounded by so many people saying 'marriage is so hard', 'the magic will be gone by the time you're in your 30's' (I'm 22) etc etc.

I can see why marriage is hard - it's committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life and all that comes with that. I knew that before I got married.

Just please, help me feel a little less nervous here (I'm even off sex at the moment as I'm just so stressed worried about this stupid shit!). From other women who have been married longer than I - what are the blunt realities of marriage? Is it unrealistic to have a lasting marriage these days? Everywhere I turn, people (friends, acquaintances) seem to be so negative and it's getting me down. They love my H, but just think marriage is a dated ideal. I married him because he was the man I can picture seeing the world with, having children with and I love just coming home to him after a shitty day at work. Naive? What are the realities of marriage for you?

What everyone else has said (together for 10 years, married for 7.5). The thing is to remember never to take your marriage for granted - if you don't make an effort to work at the relationship, it is more likely to falter. How you do this will vary from couple to couple; for DH and I it's important for us to send time as a couple (ie not just mum and dad).

Please don't worry too much about it! Not much worth having comes without effort, after all

Been together 29 years, married for 19. Haven't found marriage in itself all that hard, though some of the humdingers, as Sidge puts it, have been quite tough. But they would have been at least as tough if I'd stayed single, so hardly an argument against marriage.

Dh and I met on holiday when I was 19, had a 10 year long distance relationship living in different countries (before the days of cheap telephone calls or skype- a letter took a week) and were anticipating a life of poverty; we had to accept the need to be quite adaptable.

Can't think of a single bad thing in my life- disabled child, collapsing career, dodgy health- that would have been easier to cope with without dh.

Hi OP!

This is my first ever post on mumsnet! I just wanted to tell you I met DH at the age of 17, married at 21, two grown up kids, no grandchildren yet. We will be celebrating 36 years of married bliss this October. The secret? Caring, sharing, loving, laughing, supporting. It does work! Communication is the key.

the other thing to mention is not to put your partner on too much of a pedestal

unthinking worship of another is foolish

because when they do inevitabley let you down (hopefully with some small thing) they don't have too far to crash down

Yes we've had Bad Times but love, patience and talking worked

AF - you are right.

Slugslasher - congratulations! 36 years! Wow.

I'm big on communication, have always worn my heart on my sleeve. Find it difficult to understand how some couples can just let an argument lie and resentment build up. I much rather tell him as and when I'm pissed off, and he has always done the same. But, different strokes for different folks I guess.