Why is he behaving like this???

[charma1ne]

I told my husband after 11 years I want a divorce, my daughter is 6. I moved out after a domestic violence incident and live with my brother. My husband is living in our 3 bed house while my daughter and I are sharing a room. I met some one new and after seeing each other for a year, we are planning to move in together in August
I found myself feeling so guilty about all the pain I caused my husband and the fact that I took his daughter away from him. He is on a Spouses visa and i want to get a divorce. He spoke to a lawyer that told him we will have to stay married till he can apply for indefinate leave to remain next June. I tried to remain civil to him, he got the house, the car, and we shared the furnisher(which will stay on in the house untill i have a place of my own).

I tried to have contact with him, text him to say call your daughter she is telling her friends at school her dad died. I asked him to help me with child minder fees, which he refuse as he got a mortgage to pay and bills, he felt that I have to pay it as I have no obligations.

I have been paying my way for my daughter. I called him two weeks ago after he told her on skype he is coming to get her for the school holiday without discussing it with me first, but the previous holiday i have to pay the child minder to look after my daughter as it was not convenient for him to have her.

Like I said, i felt bad and decided to call him as he do not reply to my email or text, so i spoke to him and said that I understand that it must be difficult for him financially, but I want us to be civil and if he feels that he cant pay the 200 pound child support one month, I want him to speak to me, and the same if my daughter is missing out on something as I cant afford it having to pay 680 pound out of my 1100 pound pay a month to the child minder, I want to know I can call him. He need to be part of her life.
He said that he do not need to know anything about my life and I can simply drop him a line regarding his daughter. I said that I heard that he is seeing a specific girl and he told me that there is nothing between him and her and that my daughter is his only priority in life.

She is currently at his house and she told me that he moved in with his new girlfriend after not even seeing each other for 3 months, and her son is almost my daughter's brother. The girlfriend is also babysitting my daughter while he is playing tennis with his buddies. He only allow me to speak to her for 3 minutes every night then tell her to get of the line as her time is up. I told him that he can call his daughter any time and sometimes he calls for 15 min(the longest)(once in 2 weeks)

Why is he acting like this? I love my daughter and I need to know she is fine. If I knew he was living with someone else, I would not have let him take my daughter. Please give me advice as to what is happening here ??

Before anyone can give appropriate advice, we need to know what is happening here.

Why is your daughter at his house and not with you?

Why should you have to wait to divorce just because his lawyer has told him to delay proceedings until he can apply for indefinite leave to remain?

Why has he got the house and car while you and your dd are sharing a room in your db's home?

I think you need to speak to a solicitor.

None of this really makes sense

Divorce him, who gives a toss if he needs to be married to get leave to remain?

Also, see a solicitor about contact, the house (half yours) the car (half yours) and maintenance.

He can only treat you like this if you let him, so stop letting him.

Darling, he is walking all over you. Well done for ending the physical abuse. Now put a stop to the financial and emotional abuse.

You need to get your daughter back and see a solicitor pronto. It might be a good idea to contact an advisory service from this page.

His bloody visa is not your problem! Is his new girlfriend a British citizen? I bet she's his backup plan. Leave him to it. Get sorting your life out, he's had enough of it already.

All the best!

My daughter is visiting him for the mid term week, as I said that I want him to be part of her life. He wanted her all the holidays which my brother refuse and said he can have her half the holidays, but only seen her is February for a week, and then decided this holiday he will take her for a week, but already told me he is taking her 3 weeks of the summer holiday and I saw on facebook that his mum was saying him and my daughter is going to visit her is October in South Africa, which is said will not happen as I have her pasport.

I an living with my family as my brother came to fetch us after my husband assulted me infront of my daughter and the police took him away for the night, again I did not press charges against him and he told my daughter that he is just playing with mummy.

I wanted our house to be let out and arranged for the estate agent to come out and that kicked the fight off. I explained to him that I can not afford to live in the house alone and neither can he, his brother was supporting him financially while he was living on his own.

It is not an option to move back to that town and I have no back up there and myself and my daughter is safer living with my family.

We had two cars and he sold his old car and decided he wanted my car which was in his name as his brother said that he should get his car back and the brother will pay for it, he also said that I can just get another car when I need it.

I did not even want to send my daughter to him this week as we have no contact and I told him that I don't know who is looking after her when he is at work, is he is a fit state to look after her? He suffered from depression and tried to OD on his medication after the police took him away, but I think that was only a decoy as he knew that my brother was coming up to get up.

Oh crikey, were you posting at the time you split? If that was you, I was on your thread and so relieved your brother & sister stood by you.

I'm alarmed to hear DD is staying with him, and hope he returns her as planned. He's a horrible, horrible man and you MUST stop trusting him and his silly brothers/cousins. Please, please, find the numbers local to you on the Womens Aid page I linked to. They'll be able to put you in touch with a legal advisor who has the correct experience.

Thinking of you and sensing you strength :)

• sending you strength!

This is the link to the organisation garlic has referred to: www.womensaid.org.uk

When is your dd due to return to your home? Do please come back and let us know that she's safely back in your arms.

Needless to say, get advice from a solicitor who specialises in family law as soon as possible as your ex does not sound stable enough to have your dd staying with him for an hour, let alone overnight or for a week.

I spoke to my DD last night as she said me that her Dad gave her a hiding because she is to scared to go to the toilet alone and she was holding herself. When we lived there, we had a lot of anti social behaviour with kids banging on doors and windows, to such an extend that we had to call the police in several times and my daughter was scared to live there. She started wetting herself occasionally, but that all stop. Here she go to the toilet when she need to and if she is scared and ask me to go with her, it is no problem for me. :(

She said to me that she can not wait to come home because she miss me so much. It just made my heart swell because I know that he/they have been trying to make my DD think that I am rude to her and that he love her more because they wanted to give them one of their 6 cats, and I said no, when the time is right, we will pick our own pet. You can pick what you want, but no cat as we will be living in a flat and I cant be dealing with long cat hair in everything and sand boxes. So she told him that she don't need that cat any more.

He told her to get of the phone 3 times in 12 minutes last night, but she choose to ignore him as she wanted to talk to me. On a positive it is only one more night. :)

I asked him if he could bring 2 paintings for me that my DD painted for me on her first day of school, and the Wii as me and he do not use it. He said OK if I want anything of mine, just to text. I said to my DD to get a box and pack everything she want to bring back as she have only a few toys here. We can do with the expensive Disney fairy décor that I bought her over the years. I said bring what you like and we will make your room pretty when we move to our house. He then text me 2 hours later, when are you moving your stuff, I said, why? is it in you way, he said yes and I replied ill move it when i have a place to stay, but would not be until August, store it in the garage if you need to. The next day he send a picture of the full garage(of his GF's stuff). I suggested that he move my stuff into the garage, and hers into the house if needed, then she would feel more at home as well.

It must irritate him as I am not showing that I am upset about hearing that he moved a replacement wife and kid in this quick. I just cant afford to say anything to him until my DD is back with me tomorrow. I

Thank you guys so much for the advice and support you gave me, I feel more empowered knowing there is people that are willing to help me with useful advice. Most people think I am just over reacting because I do not want her to go to her father, but as a parent we want what is best for our children, and I tell her every day that I love her more than I love all the people that I know, including my boyfriend, together.

I will keep you posted. x

You need to stop your dd staying with this horror of a man.

Then start divorce proceedings. I cannot believe you would delay them so that he can stay. He will disappear from your Dd's life the minute he has leave and in the meantime will make your life hell

Bluntly, if he's beating your daughter and you left him due to DV, you need to go to the police.

If you have split up, you need to make it clear to the Home Office that you are no longer living with the twat. Otherwise, he will be gaining Indefinite Leave to Remain by deception, which will could implicate you in a fraudulent application.

You need to divorce ASAP.

You know, you really shouldn't believe what he tells you his solicitor says you have to do (confused? I think I am!). Get someone legal on your side who will tell you straight what your rights really are. It is in your husband's interests to lie to you. You need someone who will tell you the truth.

I can't understand why you've posted all that stuff about Disney decor when you said in the opening line of your last past that your ex had given your daughter a hiding That is illegal and you should be getting your child back from him pronto.

I agree with QuietTiger, you need to protect yourself from any risk of him obtaining leave to remain by deception. Get shot of the tosser and keep you and your daughter safe.