should I expect an "I love you"?

[shouldigetout]

Just had one of a few conversations about divorce which descended into awful discussion about blame in the course of which I say 'I love but...'. I have noticed that I never get an 'I love you but' back when we have had these conversations and i have even pointed this out to him and still no ' I love you.. but' . If he does not say it is that a sign that he does not love me? God sounds like such a stupid question but genuinely confused .

am sorry your marriage has irretrievably broken down

er, it has irretrievably broken down, hasn't it, in your eyes too ?

why else would it matter that he says "I love you" or doesn't ?

I don't wish to sound mean, but personally, I would be more pissed off with "I love you but .."

don't say it if you don't mean it, and don't temper awful blame games with a false declaration of whatnot

it means stuff-all, obviously or you wouldn't be where you are now

Love that comes with qualfication or is given grudgingly isn't worth having.

If you don't feel that you love someone 100%, don't bother to use up valuable oxygen saying those 3 little words.

To me they are just words; actions speak far louder. Just because someone doesn't say "I love you" doesn't necessarily mean they don't, because I have trouble saying it no matter how loved up I am.

You are both upset and annoyed.
Shouldnt worry too much about the I love you bit at the moment from either of you.
Do you want to tell us more about what is happening or not happening in your marriage.

Thanks - I have been away and did not realise that I had some responses here. I am interested in what people are saying. Some of you seem to be saying that you cannot qualify love - is that really the case? Does love between two adults need to be unconditional? Is it not possible to love someone but not approve of some of their behaviour ?- that was what I meant by 'I love you but'.

Amillionyears - I have another post with a long history of my marriage (how do you link?) - under the same name. I would be so grateful for advice.

Is it this one OP?

I have now read the other thread,which is the one HRHMissKeithLemon kindly linked.
If I were you I would start by trying to make sure on some of the stuff he is saying,that it is DEFINITELY true,ie you have evidence.
1.Have you actually seen the pills for depression.I mean looked at them and googled them to make sure they are depression pills,and issued by the GP.
2.You mentioned he has bank accounts with savings in them.He should show them to you if you have not actually seen them.Else he could be lying about that too.If he wants you to stay,i think it is clear that he is actually going to have to do some changing.
3.yes,i think it would be a very good idea to spend time apart.Up to you whether the kids stay with him for a few days,or whether they go with you for a few days.One thing I would think about is I presume you dont think he would have any intention of going off with them would he?
4.I dont know about learned helplessness,but it does sound like that.
5.Is he really seeing a therapist.Have you actually seen him in the therapist,s room.I would have said ,seen the therapists letter but he might have made one of those up himself.
In other words I would really be sure of the things that you are relying on him for,to actually be true.
6.I would reassure him, that providing you know you can trust him with them,that he will not lose the kids if indeed you do seperate.
7.The only snag with 6. is that if he does not love you,that he may feel he can still have the kids,so just thinks,well that is ok,and seperate from you.
8.Does he love you?Dont know.I do think that it is possible that love in marriage can be a bit,more loads or whatever.But I dont think it can stay at a very low level for a long time without it becoming very upsetting for the people in it.
That is the longest post I have ever posted.
I hope it helps!