Is this wrong

[changer111]

Sorry I've name changed for this.
Brief history: I left very absuive ex a year ago. Currently going through court re contact.
Amongst other things I was also concerned about him inappropriately touching DS who's 3.
Anyway he was very vocal in court about sleeping with his 13 year old other son and that it is basically his right to do that. Btw he sleeps naked.

Just some persepctive needed really. Is this a normal thing, for a father to sleep naked with a 13 year old?
Thankyou

I'm no legal expert, but given what you've said here it sounds as though the judge may have realised that what your Ex was saying went way beyond the bounds of behaviour normally considered by a family court, and may be considering whether further investigation is necessary to see whether he's broken laws , e.g what sounds like threats against your life. The judge will probably also need to follow certain protocols wrt Ex's inappropriate behaviour around the children.

The judge probably avoided intervening too much so as not to prejudice any future investigation, should that take place.

Does your XP come from the Fens somewhere with unusual unnatural family closeness? Or does he belong to a wacko religion which teaches that children -and women- are men's possessions? This is off-the-scale abnormal and the sort of thing that I have only heard before from men who had subsequently been convicted of very serious crimes.

Changer- I have no advice and can only add my voice to the others that think he is being given enough rope to hang himself. You know it isn't right & being able to do that and protect against it is something you should be proud of as it is an uncomfortable truth but also you are made to doubt yourself just because of the scale & force of their denial.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's hellish & I hope this judge's actions are as indicative of resolution as they sound. I wish my mother had been as brave & strong as you are being when I was in this situation.

How lucky for you that he is comingout with all this in court, having heard stories on here about manipulative and charming abusers you must be thanking your lucky stars that he is to dim to put a mask on.

Where to start..

Yes I feel hugely lucky that he represented himself and there was no one there to reign him in. Although I felt the judge gave him every opportunity to behave properly and retract alot of the things he was saying.. he didn't btw. But I guess the judge had to be seen to be doing that.

But he is extremely manipulative and I just don't understand why he didn't put on his usual act during the hearing. He sacked his solicitor weeks before it and also cancelled the court ordered maintenance just before it too (he was court ordered this a few months ago to pay maintenance which again is unusual as the court will almost always say its a CSA issue, but anyway). Its like he's trying to push things as much as he can to see what he can get away with ..... which tbh he has been so far. He broke the non molestation and was arrested and charged but nothing could be progressed as the police charged him with the wrong offence..so he broke it again and still nothing as I was hoping that could be dealt with duing one of the many hearings but the courts aren't interested.. He thinks he can get away with anything.

I've had numerous threats to kill. I've got a statement from a direct witness for one of these which the courts have... I should have gone to the police with it earlier really rather than relying on the courts to consider it.... because they just don't seem to.

A good friend of mine thinks that he almost wants to get permission to abuse and that by the judge not sanctioning him for his behaviour he will take it as a green light :(..

SGB I wrote on one of my statements that my support worker (from womansaid) thought that he had antisocial pd. The judge was extremely derogitary about that at the beginning of the hearing. I did wonder by the end and, after experiencing ex in full flow, whether the judge felt the same. So hard to know. But no he's not religious. When asked if he wanted to swear or affirm he replied 'I don't believe in nothink'. I think he thought that meant he didn't have to do either . I've no doubt he is capable of really hurting us.

But again, thanks so much everyone...

Just to clarify what my friend said...I explained it badly. That he wants the judge to think he's a bit stupid, by being so outlandish and awful, and to believe that he's stupid rather than abusive. Then the judge essentially accepting his behaviour as being the result of not being able to express himself very well he will give ex carte blanche to do what he likes... does that make sense...

It makes perfect sense.

Sacking his solicitor speaks volumes, he clearly believes he knows better than anyone else and usually that comes back to bite the person on the arse, as I hope it will in your case.

I am sure that the judge will see him for what her is.

Thanks Bogey and for reading that epic hope so x

He sounds bloody scary if you ask me.
Sadly i have very little faith in the courts/police having gone through the system myself (although nowhere near as serious as this case)
You take care of yourself and your ds OP!