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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fell for his lies

12 replies

pinkbluepink · 07/06/2012 20:32

Name changed for this because I feel such a fool. Long story short, male 'friend' of several years standing, got divorced same time as me (5 years ago) - we only see each other two or three times a year due to distance but exchange numerous texts which have become more flirty and suggestive. We have never gone more than a month without texting in the last 2 years, and each time we meet up (work) we just click together like old friends. Nothing other than hugging has ever gone on and I suppose I just thought we'd get together eventually. I have not had a proper relationship since my divorce due to DCs and at New Year when I received several 'miss you' texts from 'him' followed by two work meetings and practical daily texts since, I hoped a relationship would be imminent. So. Of course dear MN's, you know what's coming next. We finally meet up. He says to me, I can't give you what you want, I am in a stagnant relationship, only together for our DC' (of this I had no clue). I was gobsmacked to say the least, and the hurt and pain I felt then was nothing compared to now, a few weeks down the line, when we met again, and I made it clear to him that I am not interested in taking another woman's man, no matter how unhappy his circumstances. I foolishly allowed him to kiss me (mmm, was v v nice though) and we parted. I have since done some very easy FB stalking, only to discover that he is, in fact, contrary to what he told me, married, and probably only within the last 2 years, which is more or less when our texting began. End of rant.

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sparkybabe · 07/06/2012 20:41

So.. is he divorced and remarried - within 5 years? Or not divorced at all? Either way, he's after some simple flirting/sex, or just stringing you along.

izzyizin · 07/06/2012 20:44

You've got a dose of hurt pride and the best cure for that is a night of hot sex the love of a good man.

To quote the proverbial words 'pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and start all over again' secure in the knowledge that life's a learning curve and, hopefully, you'll be less likely to fall for another load of bullshit in the future.

As it happens, you set yourself up for this because of your desire to create a relationship out of nothing. Next time get something of substance in place before you let your imagination run ahead of you - better still, don't let your imagination carry you away with the fairies until you've got a ring on your finger Grin.

pinkbluepink · 07/06/2012 20:53

Good advice, izzyizin. If I did more playing and less working the situation would never have arisen! Sparkybabe, I think men move on more quickly and I do know that he was divorced the same time as me and from my recent discovery his second marriage is recent.

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izzyizin · 07/06/2012 22:20

Thank your guardian angel, honey. Another fine mess s/he got you out of Grin

pinkbluepink · 08/06/2012 12:30

Forgot to add that the texts from him numbered up to 20 a day, varying from day to day chit chat to flirtatious and blatant sexual longing. If this bloke married around the time we began to communicate I can't begin to think what he's playing at.

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Lizzabadger · 08/06/2012 12:35

Just cut all contact with him and stop looking him up on Facebook.

Abitwobblynow · 08/06/2012 15:01

You have had a lucky escape from an emotionally immature, emotionally unavailable man who was just going to use you for an exciting situation (for him). At least he had the decency to tell you BEFORE he shagged you so he has some redeeming features....

Feel sorry for his poor unsuspecting wife.

pinkbluepink · 10/06/2012 14:39

Please don't think for a moment that he has any redeeming features! He wanted me to know about his DP and DC but was still happy to have an affair (even said 'my partner doesn't understand me' - oh purleese!!). Seemed disappointed when I told him that taking other women's men wasn't something I was in agreement with.

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oshuk · 10/06/2012 14:53

Good on you! It honestly would not have been worth the heartache. You sound like a really nice person, and I am sure you'll meet the right one for you.

PissyDust · 10/06/2012 14:59

Good for you, so refreshing reading a post where the op has some good old self respect for herself and has the good sense to be able to see how fucking selfish it would be to continue with this.

Youdo know that you need to cut all ties with him now don't you?

Rowanhart · 10/06/2012 15:26

Pink: he's a prat. You've done the right thing. This is a day for celebrating your brilliance and lucky escape. Have a prosecco and toast to his poor wife. Bless her.

pinkbluepink · 10/06/2012 16:36

Thanks everyone. Big hugs for the support, just what I needed. I have passed up one or two opportunities over the last 2 years to meet others because I was hanging on for 'him' - what a waste of time that was. Time will heal.

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