Having a really bad day! He still hasn't gone!

[keepingupwiththejoneses]

H is still here, even though he has said he is leaving at the end of the week for the last 3 weeks. He went away with work over the bank holiday but got back yesterday. Since he has come back he has been even worse than before he went, won't look at me and if he does it is with a severe look of disgust, huffing and puffing when ever I do anything, even though it is me telling him to leave because of EA!
He is supposed to be moving into his dads house and the room needed doing up before he could move in, since he started doing it he has only worked the time he was away for, the rest of the time he has been working on this room.
I am sleeping on a blow up mattress in the living room and have been for about 8 weeks, I think it is now on it's way out as I am having to blow it up each night and let it down each morning, they are just not designed for that I didn't sleep more than an hour last night and I feel like shit today.
We haven't spoken about how things are going to work with the boys or anything, but he is supposed to be leaving tomorrow!
I really don't want the boys here when he moves everything out but he says he doesn't care
I am so pissed off, emotional just feeling horrid

Ahh, thats a pain isn't it! :(

If you get any opportunities where you know he will be out for a certain amount of time and a friend is available to help, then I would seize the opportunity.

Good luck. x

And RECORD the kicking off on your phone.

When did you last say 'I want you to go'?

You know, the emotional retardness of it ... he doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to lose his family (normal human emotions) ... but has he thought about it? Taken any ownership of WHY this might be happening? Gone to talk to someone? Offered to make amends/fix things?

No. He refuses to go and has a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. Except he is probably 12 stone and a bit frightening with it.

Unbefookinbelievable!

abit I don't even think it is like that now. He has now decided to go along the 'it is all her fault! I am leaving her' route. I do however ask him every other day 'when are you leaving?'
Yes he is scary, he is 6'2" and 15 stone

Just being a bit thick but how do I record while I am on the phone?

When he kicks off, record him (surreptitiously) on your mobile phone.

it's a record, you see. Once you have got a bit of evidence, dial 999 and have him arrested.

Then you can get retraining orders etc., and he will find it is easier just to toddle off to Dad's, mouthing 'bitch' all the way.

Put his stuff in a bin bag, stick it on the lawn and change the locks, job done

Er, dint change the locks if property is jointly owned, it's illegal

TBH, if it's that difficult, then you leave him. ASAP.

Unless you're intent on winding him up don't bother trying to record him - just dial 999 if he kicks off and remember we're here to help you deal with any aftermath of a visit from the police.

An incident logged with the police will be all you need to support an application for occupation and non-molestation orders.

However, as bullies are generally cowards at heart, I doubt it'll come to that as a burly policeman should be able to persuade him that it's in his best interests to leave the marital home.

You don't need to have anything logged with the police to apply for a non molestation order and an occupation order in the civil courts. Contact NCDV tomorrow and get their advice. You shouldn't have to live with these violent outbursts.

Izzy - recording can be done discretely. I wasn't exactly advocating shoving it in his face... Just 40 second is enough to establish er... 'acting out'...

Bloody Hell OP, I thought me sleeping on a lumpy sofa was bad, but you need to get him out asap.
I realise it's complicated: house might be in both names, you can't afford to leave, etc, but he is bullying you now.
Does he not see what effect this is having on his children? Point this out to him. Might make him realise that he has to go whether he wants to or not. This is not good for your DCs.

How you doing today op?

I am OK! He is leaving on monday, while the kids are at school. Just got to get through this weekend!
He is definitely going, I am sure of that! I doubt anything could be done before that regards court orders anyway, however if he hasn't gone by monday I will be contacting my solicitor.
I have told him about how this is all affecting the boys but he just says it is my fault and he needs somewhere decent to go so nothing he can do!
I have been reading up on narc husbands and he is definitely one.
There is one other thing that is bugging me, and I don't know why. I think he has met someone else already! There are lots of signs. He has bought new, expensive aftershave, he is very secretive about his phone, even taking it into the bathroom with him when he goes for a shower and he hardly ever used to get or sent texts but for the last 2 weeks or so he is never off the thing, he has set the texts to silent but not turned off the vibration so I know how many times it goes. Also he went out last friday and came back at 9.30am, he said he had fell asleep at his dads, which I would have been inclined to believe before, but he had a stupid grin on his face and with the other things, just makes me wonder. Would be so much easier for the divorce if he has!

It seems probable that he has found another mug woman which may be the incentive he needs to shift his arse out of your home.

I've got my fingers crossed that she won't dump him before Monday rolls round.

I wouldn't worry too much about prying into his phone but if you can access his emails it may shed some light on whether he has a current squeeze.

If you can't get access to his mail, don't fret - the truth always wills out and where there's a will, there's always a way to uncover it

Given the sheer number of abusive twats that are reported on this board, I'm inclining to the view that all homes should have internal cctv a covert surveillance feature that can only be operated by victims, wobbly

The only problem with attempting to covertly record a twat kicking off on a mobile or other device is that it's a gamble as to whether discovery would result in a potentially dangerous escalation of violence or they'd change from devil to angel as soon as the 'record' button is switched on - and revert to devil once they've stamped on the camera made sure they're unable to be immortalised for a court of law posterity.

Haha! I am just going to wait it out. He doesn't do email, hardly did mobiles till recently and now has BBM!

The countdown starts now, honey. Synchronise watches, 72 hours to go...

I hope for your sake he does have another woman lined up. It means he will shift his arse out faster hopefully. You might not want to hear that right now but in the long run it will be to your advantage.

He is definitely going Monday

Hurrah!