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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could I really be in an abusive relationship or am I going crazy?

14 replies

ThePossibilities · 07/06/2012 00:09

I don't even know where to start I'm so confused... Everything has changed so much. I've been with my
Partner for 15 years since we were 14, so we have grown together last year he cheated on me it was Internet stuff and nothing physical but it felt like he ripped out my heart. We separated for 3 months and I eventually convinced him to come bk :( yes that's right I begged him bk!
The first few months were fine then he got silly checking texts, messages, phone calls accusing me off stuff. He says it's in my head and because I'm off work with anxiety ATM part of me is questioning this... I just don't know but need it to stop, I can't get better whilst I feel like this and every day I love him less.... :'(

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 07/06/2012 00:18

ask yourself these questions

Original poster
ThePossibilities · 07/06/2012 00:23

This is the thing our relationship has been fine for the last 14 years. Don't get me wrong we have had our ups and downs but never like this and I've never felt like he's been abusive. This is why I think maybe it is me... I don't know!

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 07/06/2012 00:25

Look at the check list & ask yourself how many ring true......

Original poster
ThePossibilities · 07/06/2012 00:29

I did and have spent months looking for answers he doesn't seem to fit into any of these boxes that are described. I think he's going through a crisis or something... Or I'm reading too much into things that he says and does.

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 07/06/2012 00:30

OK you might not think him abusive but it doesn't sound like someone who is commited to a healthy relationship and TBH is probably seeing someone else.

Ask youself why you are suffering anxiety attacks?

MissPricklePants · 07/06/2012 00:33

Totally agree with Bossy, he is not committed to you is he? or he would not have cheated! People can grow apart, don't stay together due to familiarity. Life is far too short to be stuck in a bad/unhappy relationship.

Bossybritches22 · 07/06/2012 00:34

Sorry to be blunt but why are you making yourself ill staying with him?

Suggest a separation, get yourself better & in a better place,mentally then see how you feel.

solidgoldbrass · 07/06/2012 00:55

If he can't give you what you need, bin him. Being single is always better than being with a partner who is not making you happy.

izzyizin · 07/06/2012 02:04

You've got another thread going here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1489297-The-term-men-are-from-mars-and-woman-are-from-Venus-makes-absolute-sense-right-now which can only serve to confuse.

From this thread it's clear that he has violated you and continues to do so. You're best advised to bin him again and this time don't go begging for him to come back.

boredandrestless · 07/06/2012 08:09

Here here SGB - well said!

"I know if we continue like this I will never get better and I'll end up with nothing and no one." (From your other thread)

Original poster
ThePossibilities · 07/06/2012 15:31

Thank you to everyone for your comments. I've never spoken in a forum before and posted 2 threads as I needed someone to respond Im sorry for any confusion. I guess I'm just not ready to hear these things yet, i felt worse after reafing and put phone down rather than respond :( thank you for your time though xx

OP posts:
izzyizin · 07/06/2012 15:38

The consensus of opinion on both of your threads is the same.

I hope you'll come back when you are ready to hear from others what you know in your heart and mind to be true.

It's time to start living the life that you would have had if you hadn't become involved at such a very young age. Courage, mon brave - there's a big and exciting world waiting for you to join it.

Bossybritches22 · 07/06/2012 15:43

You are still so young and have all your life ahead of you, please believe you deserve better..... AND CAN FIND A BETTER LIFE.

Best of luck !

Twiggy71 · 07/06/2012 16:38

I'm sorry to say our partners can change I have had a similar experience myself as I met my exh very young and he was the love of my life. But gradually over the years he changed into a person/stranger I didn't even recognise. At the beginning of our relationship he was like my Knight in shinning armour (boak I know) by the end of the relationship he was ea and always had a look of pure dislike on his face. In the end I couldn't take anymore and I was just existing and not really living...
Three years on I feel happy although its been a long haul to get his voice out of my head of his constant put downs and his never being wrong EVER!!!
I feel you will know when the time is right/you've had enough to leave him and you know you will be so much happier and FREE..

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