The term 'men are from mars and woman are from Venus' makes absolute sense right now!

[ThePossibilities]

I've been with my partner for 15 years now. We have had our ups and downs but have always been close.... We were best friends. Something has happened and for the last six months it's as though we speak different languages the majority of time....

I'm currently off work struggling with anxiety part of which is work related but I feel that a lot is to do with relationship problems. He went through a phase where he would check everything I did. Texting and phone calls any contact I had with any one. It wax like I was being violated.

To some extent he is still controlling me in different ways, not so intrusive now (I don't think) which is good. But I feel suffocated like I should only have him in my life. I wander done days us it me am I thinking these things because I'm ill, but I've known him for 15 years I don't believe I now can't read him....... I just don't know what to do, I know if we continue like this I will never get better and I'll end up with nothing and no one... But I love him and know this is not him!!!! I know it's not... Please any advice would be great I'm desperate

I feel similar sometimes - often in fact. In my case I cannot decide whether it is me or him - I suspect that it could be a bit of both - but I found the books at teh start of the emotional abuse thread very useful. The problem is that once yo u start to feel like you are being abused then it is hard to go back to not minding

He may have changed but this is him and you seem to be in denial about the fact that the man you once thought of as your 'best friend' is a controlling arsehole.

It's sounds very much as if you're battling against the odds to hold on to the essential you and while he remains as he is, and remains in your life, you're fighting a losing battle.

Has he given you any explanation as to why he found it necessary to police your movements and contact with others? Could it be that he acted out of paranoia that you might be interested in another man because he's got something going with an ow?

He's disengaged from your relationship for a reason and the reason is most probably that he's not that into you because he's hip deep into someone else.

It would be the only time that shitty ignorant conjob of a book were to make any sense. And it doesn't, actually. There's a much better book, OP, which is Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? Your partner is an abusive prick who you need to dump; your feelings of being 'violated' are not wrong.

People who are having affairs typically project their behaviour onto their partner - I would be deeply suspicious of his checking your texts etc. TBH, even if he wasn't having an affair, this is deeply controlling behaviour.

You say 'this is not him.' I'm sorry, but this is him. You have an idea of him in your head but this simply doesn't match up to the reality. Sometimes you need to be strong enough to realise that loving someone isn't enough of a reason to stay with them.