dont know where my head should be! sorry long

[AnotherLoad]

told DP yesterday that i am letting him go. the love is very much still there, the problem is our ways of life. we have had ups & downs with personality clashes for good part of our relationship.

I dont have family, just the one friend. although i dont mind my own company i do rely alot on dp to keep me sane with company and conversation. to feel normal.

he works 5 day week, has every wednesday night out with a friend, every saturday to run foot ball, golf when he has a morning off work, then days out with his son (not ours) to watch racing or mini golf etc. places to go people to see.....

nothing wrong with this in theory, but im forever moaning at him to cut them down, stay in with me and the kids, why take dss nd not mine, we dont have money for this blah blah...

he arranges days out with his son and not 'ours' and this makes me sad, he says he's entitled to spend time with his when he has him. true, but he has our dd and my boys to consider? no?

any way i couldnt be happy feeling how i did, but i didnt want to strip dp of his life just to make me happy, as then he will be the miserable one. he's said he will quit everything to be with me, that im all he needs. but i cant understand why its taken this long- and to seperate for him to say this.

i told him i let him go and be free of me to do as he please, the hardest thing was hoping we could get through our differences and were actually talking bout another child. but now?? ....

i let him go but feel i cant live without him neither! i feel a complete mess, i worry myself how i only see one way out :( although i couldnt do it to my DC's my head is not with me right now :(

sorry its long just dont know what the answer is.

Could you get some counselling to discuss your reliance on your DP, as it sounds a little unhealthy?

Your DP is with you, has chosen to be with you and obviously cares but he needs to have a life aswell, as should you. You stand side by side with the person you love; I'm not sure 'letting him go' is a misuse of language or you are feeling he is 'property'?

yes have a lot of issues not been put to rest tbh, have tried counselling before (before dp) but didnt change the problems.

sorry probably misuse of language, i feel he could have a better life with out me telling him what to do. so i say in a sense of letting him go?

i know he needs a life, not arguing that. my lack of social/life style no doubt makes his seem more extreem to me?

He spends so much time away from me, from dd and my dc's i just wondered if im of any use to him.

i know being appart isnt what i want.
feeling so down. its all my own doing.

How old is his son? How old are yours?
Have you been together for some time?
Difficult to fully understand the situation with the info you have given.

My view is he shouldnt completely exclude your children if he is part of your life. However if there is a big age gap between his an yours then he may not feel that mixing them is a good idea.

His son might also just want dad time which to me is fair enough but he should still do things with you and your kids too. Does he?

He sounds as though he has a very active social life but I assume you knew this when you got with him or has it become more social since he met you?

If you don't want to be apart from him I think you should tell him that honestly, as pushing him out is not an answer to the problem. You are obviously aware of your own issues so this is a good starting point with regard to yourself.

Do you have any of your own interests, work, hobbies, something that you can do/enjoy which makes you feel better about yourself? Everyone has something. I did an exercise once where I wrote out a CV as if I was applying for a new job ( I was feeling pretty useless at the time ) and when I read it back I realised that I had achieved more than I thought.

maleview- his son is 8, mine are 10 & 7, our dd is near 2. i have to ask him to join my DS's in as he wouldnt willingly choose to do something with them. been together 3yrs this month.

yes he's good active social life, i did know this. but the football, golf and cinema every wednesday was after dd born. he has cut down going out nearly every sat night as i was abit angry looking after his ds when it should be his time. plus maybe a bit of resentment that he didnt bother with mine.

sirsugar - ive been scared to go docs for counselling incase they think im incapable of looking after DC's.
no i dont have no hobbies, pretty boring tbh. I had ds1 young so i guess i didnt have time to have a hobby. have had depression and alot of crap over the yrs so self esteem is so low i cant even bring my self to go out and mingle.

sorry you really dont need to here this self pittty shit.

i want to be with dp but he dont deserve to be drag down in the dumps with me.

why are you jealous of the time he spends with his child

you and your kids have him full time, his son sees him once a week? doesnt seem fair to me

jubilee -im not jealous, i feel i do so much for his ds. make him feel as though his my own that it should be the same both ways.

he will bring dss home, will sit and watch sport, read paper, play computer. i will do lunch, dinner, house work, keep eye on kids. then when he wants to go out do something its a him and son affair.

yes we 'see' him every day, but it shouldnt feel like a hotel. he see's his son every sunday, every other wk end and holidays. i wouldnt dream of taking my ds's cinema and leaving dss at home?! id treat them all the same.

maybe he is better off without me if thats how i come across to him. thanks for the replies.