Unsure if this means it's over! Advice?

[notagypsy]

Tonight I found pics on hubby's laptop of him cuddling another woman, there were also a few of her on her own posing quite sexily. I asked him about them and he said it was a girl he met on a stag do and she took his e mail and sent him pics. I went mad asking why did you give her e mail address and why is she sending pics. He played it down and said he was drunk and gave her e mail not realising she would send him pics.

I then decided i would have a nosy in his e mail account. I found he has registered with a site of some sort where you can send pics and messages to other women. Found a few pics of women and dirty messages going both ways.

I obviously went mental, he says he feels terrible and he shouldn't have done it but I am so upset I can hardly look at him.

I have asked him to leave for a bit to give me time to think things over. The way I am feeling just now I don't think I can forgive him. I work night shift and this is obviously what he does when I'm out. I feel sick!!

We have 2 DDs and splitting up would devastate them. Is this worth splitting or once I calm down do you think I'll see things differently??

Thanks for any advice. X

OP Sorry you had to find shite like that.

I'm with Leverette on this....if it was porn you can deal with it between you but this is another ball game...its contact with real people for sexual gratification = a form of cheating :( I'm sure he has better things he could do with his time while you are at work but he chose this sordid path.

What do you feel in your gut about these photo's, especially the one he's in with another woman? Does what he's wearing correspond with the clothes he wore on that night( if you can remember) Also the fact that he gave her his E-mail screams he wanted "something" It's totally disrespectful to you, he should have said I'm sorry I'm married not hand over his contact details to some pissed up tart in a club.

Do what you feel is best, yes make him leave for a while you clear your head and see it as a trial run for being a single parent.

Think about the trust between you, if he promiseswhich of course he willhe won't go back on these sites, will you believe him? Of course you finding out this time will make him more sneaky if he does go back on, he'll delete any history or contact, but you will find again eventually...they always fuck up somewhere along the line.

If you stay with him just because of DC, not trusting him, dragging yourself down, playing havoc with your own mental health, while trying to keep everything together, then that will be worse for the kids in the long run.

If you decide to give him a second chance then I would put a key logger into the computer he's using, obviously without him knowing, say for 6 months to see what he's getting up to and if he is keeping his word. Sneaky- yes but in your situation I would need to know if he had made just a stupid fucking brainlessly dumb mistake or if I was in fact married to a lying scum bag.
Good luck with whatever decision you make x

He is cheating even though he says it is all online. He is in a relationship with her.

Are you sure he never had sex with her? I would get yourself checked for STDs.

You can't monitor him forever. He needs to understand why and what made him cheat on you instead of resolving issues by talking and suggesting counselling.

If he is not prepared to do this and everything else required to help you recover then he will do it again and again.

Please remember none of this is your fault - he made the choice to check out of your marriage and break up his family.

I wouldn't forgive that either

For me, it would be over, because I simply would not want to live my precious one and only life with a man like that

If you didn't have kids would you leave?

He only feels terrible because he got caught.

He's obviously a tosser... literally in his case... but this could be a turning point when he's forced to clean up his act. I'd say he was in the last chance saloon rather than face down in the dust....