Deadly serious

[bibbitybobbityhat]

How to avoid morphing into ones mother?

The thought that my dd will one day be as exasperated by me as I am by my mother fills me with horror.

Is there a way?

No. Sorry. I am nearly 60, I have also developed some of the more irritating aspects of DF.

It's nature's way of getting your DC to leave home. That's my theory, anyway.

Dont forget that 50% of you is your father.

While the older I get the more I look like my mother the more I am becoming like my father. I do worry that one day I will look in a mirror and discover that I have taken to wearing a flat hat and smoking a pipe!

Seriously though...

I'm 45, my mother is in her mid 70s. At her age she has lived through huge changes in the role of women in society. As an example for my mother's generation women's jobs tended far more often to be second jobs with the man's job being viewed as the more important one.

My mother/MiL never ask how my work is going. I'm not sure that either of them actually know what I do. They both ask DH how his work is going (even though I am main and often sole breadwinner).

That is somewhere I hope to behave differently from my mother.

I'm sure there will be loads of different things I will do to wind up my daughters. I will however do my best to make sure it isnt that one!

If you want a serious answer, then do not focus on avoiding the unwanted behaviour - this makes you more likely to do it! Otoh they will then be annoyed by some other aspect of you.

The only way is to walk the path of meaningfulness and think very, very, carefully before you make any pronouncements or off the cuff comments on, or comparisons of, your childhood and that of your dd.

FWIW, take it from one who's tried - it can't be done and sooner or later you will hear your dm's voice speak through your mouth. At which point you may feel the need to wash your mouth out with soap take a generous swig of

It's the way of the world that the younger generation should feel exasperated by their parents and it's to be expected that, on occasion, the aged should feel equally exasperated by the callowness of youth.

O to be able to do it all again with the benefit of hindsight...

Oh God, I soo don't want to be as frustrating as my mother. I feel your pain OP.

I am a lot like my Mum, but there are aspects of her parenting that I choose to do differently. I've always got on well with my Mum though, and if anything, I think I'd wish my DD to be more her own person and more independent.
I suppose all you can do is conciously avoid repeating those behaviours that annoy you and try to be mindful of what your daughter might find annoying about you!
Saying all that though, you've got to be true to yourself. If that means you are irritating, I'm not sure what you can do

My mother has asked me to shoot her in the head before she turns into her mother. I've suggested Dignitas as a more humane option.

I bought a candlewick bedspread recently (it said 'waffle throw' OK?!!!) and found myself making cupcakes & getting excited about bedding plants at the weekend. I may not be morphing into my mother but I'm definitely turning into an old bat.

I think there is a gardening gene that activates in middle age (unless you are a natural gardener from the start).

Along with the gardening gene came the radio 4 gene and 'comfy' trousers. I'm expecting to take up crosswords and inspector Morse next.

I take comfort that DD would hate me to be a hip and trendy mum that can fit into nicks her clothes and goes clubbing.

My sister and I have a pact, if either of us starts getting like our mother the other is to book a flight for them to Switzerland pronto

My dh is also on the lookout for mother like behaviour.

I have a lovely DM and would be hugely pleased if I was as considerate and loving as she is instead of an irritable grouch but she does chat on and on and on and on on the phone. That is a habit I have to nip in the bud!

MY DGM is lovely, to me, but actually quite narcissistic and very, very demanding

My DM is practically invisible...requires nothing and gives nothing....

My DCs will have to wait and see (they are quite young as yet)...I am going for interested and interesting, involved but not needy....place your bets now as to how successful I will be.

I do not look like DM but apparently her hands are typing this reply.......she has very distinctive hands!

Pretend you are adopted!

I am adopted & it is very liberating. I don't know my birth parents & therefore I have no idea who I might turn into - I can only ever be me!

My siblings are not adopted & I can literally see them becoming more like certain aspects of my parents as they get older - it is quite amazing. So it must be genetic to a degree, because if it was nurture, then I'd be doing the same - but I'm not.

Fascinating stuff.

I'm sure it is genetic to a degree, Post, but don't kid yourself. I have definite traits of my step-father. You are as doomed as the rest of us