Fed up with my life - I just want to leave it all behind

[Summerbum]

Sorry if this sounds a bit self indulgent. I just need to vent somewhere and MN has been great for helping me in the past.

Marriage to DH seems like it is going down the pan, counselling hasn't helped, I'm just frustrated with him and our endless arguments over silly trivial things that then end up major things. Now we have big blow ups in front of the children which I think is becoming damaging.

I've posted about DD before and think our arguing is affecting her, at 5yo, she has been causing me real stress with her fibbing and taking other children's stuff from school, I caught her today with more taken things and despite me asking her, she flat out lied, so she has had tv and priveleges taken away. She always seems naughty and I feel I am constantly shouting at her.

My DS who is nearly 2 and 1/2 is turning into the child that I can only describe as like those kids on Supernanny. Tonight after 2 and 1/2 hours of tantrums, pooey nappies, crying and refusing to go to sleep he finally exhausted himself onto me, and fell asleep, I know at midnight though he will awake and once again scream till he is carried into our bed till morning. I should also point out DD is hell to get to sleep too, she too nodded off at the same time, thankfully sleeps.

I've also fallen out with my mother, we already have a fractious relationship but she was supposed to come round and help me tonight but at the last minute cancelled saying she was tired. She seems to know when I feel crap as I can always rely on her to make me feel worse when I need her at difficult times.

I'm also feeling I've lost all my friendships. My life revolves around the children and their never ending classes and playdates. I have no girlfriends I can have a night out with, the mum friends I do talk to are quite shy and don't tend to socialise outside kids and family. I've tried getting out and meeting people but all comes to nothing, counsellor suggested but no lasting frendships where I can have a banter and confide in my crap days.

I just feel tired, tearful and just want to escape it all. So totally sad and fed up with everything.

There it is all down here, if you read and tell me to pull myself together, I've tried, the glass is half empty for me currently. Everything feels pointless.

Sorry for rambling.

DH and I have a code word/saying that one of us says when either of us feel an arguments is escalating. It's stupid and reduces us to fits of giggles but it works.

I think it's wise to limit contact with your mother until you're in a mental position to deal with it. I do that too.

Right I'm going to repeat what others gave said. Sort the sleep out. Do cc or quick return. This will really help everybody in your house and the dc's behaviour will improve.

Do something nice and energetic with them- tire them out

Speak to your Dh- go for a meal/ cook/ walk but try to connect

See a doctor

What did you mean when you said "before I do something stupid"?

I agree you should see your GP. You sound as though you might be depressed.

Last time I saw a doctor, he told me to exercise, he wasn't helpful at all I felt stipid making an appointment to see him! DH thinks I'm depressed but what can I do if I told my doctor about my feelings and he was dismissive of them?

The counselling was helpful in terms of helping me with mood swings but now w've finished I'm back in my down state. Lizzieb - the other night I was thinking of running off and leaving them all as I felt totally overwhelmed, I still do but venting with you MNers has helped .

Thanks both of you for your help, DS was a nightmare tonight, everytime we left him to 'self soothe' he got really distressed and soiled himself. DD was acting up too.

By the time they were both asleep, it was 10pm. So exhausting, demoralising and upsetting. Feel like I'm the only one with kids who don't go to bed at 7.30pm!!

My kids go to bed at 7.30pm, the only issue is that my youngest wakes frequently in the night. He is also 2.5. It's exhausting.

I don't have any real answers for you, except to say, whilst your Dr sounds like an unsympathetic Dr. However, he may be onto something with the exercise thing. I started running (barely jogging) last September. initially to try and lose weight however it has now turned into my precious time where I get away from everyone (kids, husband) and just have some time to myself. It can completely change my perspective on so many things. Even if I just go for 30 minutes there is a massive shift in my outlook on things.

Perhaps running isn't your thing, but just getting away from everyone for very regular bursts of time could help with your outlook.

I'm glad that's what you meant (was worried you might be suicidal).

I'm sorry you found your doctor unsympathetic. As Humblebumble says, though, exercise can be really helpful if lifting your mood. Is there a keep-fit class you could join, local pool or park you could power walk round? At the very least it would mean you have sometime to yourself to clear your head. The other thing which might help is to make sure you do something you enjoy everyday.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Lizziebadger and humblebumble, funnily enough I've just joined a gym today and they have a running club so prepared to change my depressive lifestyle.

Great! Set yourself small targets at first and build up.
Good luck!!!!!!!!!

Your kids WILL sleep on their own. FWIW, do what gives you the best nights sleep (ds1 has to go to sleep toi a DVD)

As to your daughter - tick charts are good. 10 ticks for the behaviour you want gets a treat but 3 crosses for bad behaviour = a sanction. It does get easier in terms of exhaustion I promise as a single mum of 3!!!

I feel exactly the same. Fed up with the effort of looking after 2 kids by myself whilst my husband works away 4 nights a week. No extra money for fun stuff and life just feels like one perpetual bad mood!

Hope you find some happiness and peace x

Hello. I see you already have lots of support here.

I often have felt like this - you have described our last year.

CONSTANTLY niggling arguments that turn into blazing rows. Yes on front of DCs and their behaviour has also suffered. Very much 'I do this' 'you do that' kind of thing. Neither of us backing down.

DCs four and two - one 'challenging'.

I think we've turned it around.

Few questions - do you work?

Other one - do you and DH have shared hopes and dreams?

Odd questions but indulge me

Hang on in there....it WILL get better. Sleep deprivation is so awful. Mine didn't sleep well either. When other Mums told me their babies slept thru the night from 6 weeks, I felt deflated and like punching them in the face I can remember being so cross with my DS when he had woken maybe 5 times through the night, that I actually screamed in his face (and that's not like me at all). Exhaustion is debilitating.

I think you will turn a real corner over the next year....meantime, can you and your DH make a rota where you each have "me" time, whilst the other babysits? Just an hour or two out of the house every few days, will recharge your batteries (a facial/a swim/a walk).

My DS has now left home (went to Uni in September) and my DD will be leaving next year. I am having to re-invent myself, as I have forgotten how to be the me that doesn't have kids at home. It's quite exciting. Have to say, when I look back at what my life was like when they were toddlers, I can't think how I got through it!

Keep going. But do try some "me" time

Zombie thread! peerie start your own thread if you want help. There's lots of support here

Zombie alert.

If the poster is still on Mumsnet it would be great to get an update.

Best wishes to those recently posted who are struggling x

I agree - that would be lovely.

I feel very strongly that we, as women, feel ashamed and abashed about talking about these things. Men leave their families all the time, and it's a fair choice, but for women, it's taboo - it's even taboo just to talk about it. I'm trying to talk to some women who have felt this way, (heck that's probably everyone at some point in their lives). I'm not a journalist, but a storyteller. So if you want to share your story I'd be happy to listen.

user - I have not 'left' my family as such but after separation from exh I am currently the non resident parent of one of my children, (having him every other weekend) and shared, (4 nights a week) of the other. This is something that's suits us all for now but I am acutely aware of how others perceive me because of this. Maybe a new thread would be the best place to discuss it as this one is old?

There is a film on sky movies called 'Ricki and the Flash' about a mother who leaves her family to pursue her dream of becoming a rock star and tentatively rebuilding her relationship with them as adults.

Thanks for your response psychedelicsleep, for being brave enough to discuss, and for the recommendation. I've started a new topic here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2661583-Women-who-choose-to-leave?watched=1

If I was in your shoes, I would take up walking. Get a cheap double buggy, or get a buggy board for the 5 year old to stand on. And I would do a fast walk for 1-2 hours daily. The exercise will release your "feel good" hormones, the fresh air will be good for you and will (I think) help the kids to sleep better. For part of the walk, I'd get the kids to walk too. Tire them out, if you like.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will get much easier. 2 years from now, they'll both be in school and sleeping through. You will feel like the old you again. If you're looking at other Mums and thinking they seem more in control, they really aren't - having 2 small kids is bloody hard work!

Mine are grown up now (well age 18 and 19), and life is so easy (but I remember those early days very well, there was only 19 months between my two, I think I sleep walked through a few years!)

Be kind to yourself. Don't cram in too many play dates and clubs, a lot of kids don't enjoy it anyway.

Get a babysitter and go out for a meal, once a month with DH. You need adult only time.

I really don’t know how I’m feeling. I have a husband of 40years who is happy in a chair with a remote control. Two adult sons. One drinks far too much and the other has huge debts. I don’t know what I want or what I can or want to do. I don’t have any money or I would run away but I have 4 lovely grandchildren and it is them who I live for. Does anyone hAce and suggestions or advice. Please help I don’t know which way to turn.

@TM2020
This is a zombie thread from 2012, please start your own thread on relationships for help from lovely mumsnetters