really confused!

[lifeisneversimple]

I have namechanged for this as my OH knows my user ID and I don't really want him seeing this.

Before I got with my OH I was in a 3yr relationship with my exP. We had known each other since we were teenagers and our paths crossed when we were both single and we started sleeping together, the relationship developed over the course of a year to a 'proper' relationship and I introduced him to my DD (she was around 3 at the time)

Over the course of three years, we moved in together and set up a home with his DSis who was going through a rather nasty divorce and her DD's.

When his Dsis moved out we moved into a smaller home and I discovered he was getting involved in illegal stuff (mainly to do with cars) he was egged on by a good friend who was doing the same thing and despite my ultimatum that either he chose this friend and the life he was going into or me and our life ttogether, he chose the wrong path and after the house was raided by the police (he convinced me he had stopped and I naively believed him) we broke up and subsequently he was sent to prison for 3 years.

I did still write to him and occasionally spoke on the phone, up until I got into the relationship with my now OH. (Over a year after me and my ex split)

This caused issue with my OH and although I was upfront and honest with him, he didn't believe anything wasn't going on. These issues are no longer there and as he lives with me now, he knows I am no longer getting mail of any kind from my ex and as he trusts me this is no longer any kind of issue for him.

My OH has lived with me for a year and we have a baby on the way. (I'm 26 weeks gone) but since I got pregnant, I have been having dreams about my ex coming out of prison, turning up on my door and making me choose between them. Every time I choose my ex.

I know this sounds really stupid and I know that when you are pg you have really stupid dreams that mean nothing and I'm probably just being an idiot! I just can't work out why I'm dreaming of him. The relationship with my OH has had its moments but the issues we have are now behind us and we have spoken about marriage and potentially more kids, in the future!

Wth is wrong with me??

Nothing's wrong with you. Dreams are not to be taken literally. They are emotions pinging around our brains whilst we're asleep and, in an attempt to make sense of the emotions, our sleepy brains attach some pictures to the thoughts.

How you feel in the dream is the important part. If your feelings are things like anxiety, pressure, guilt, that makes it a different dream to you feeling elated, free, relieved at the choice that is presented

My own view is that you're probably in the former camp and that the dream stems from the anticipation of having a child so soon into a relatively new relationship. Your life is heading in a particular direction and maybe you feel that it's not been quite the conscious choice you would have preferred.

Tbh, me and my ex did talk about having children but as he has medical issues that could be easily passed down to future children, we decided against it and around 2 weeks after this desicion was made I found out what he was up to. The desicion was finalised at the moment! No matter how broody I was at the time!

In the dreams themselves, I feel like the choice is what I want and although I feel guilty that I'm effectively leaving my OH, the choice is what I want. Its when I wake up I feel very guilty, very disorientated and confused.

Sorry if I'm drip feeding!

Focus on 'guilty, disorientated and confused'... because those are the emotions that your dream is amplifying. I don't know what in real life would be making you feel that way.... maybe something you're not admitting to, feeling in two minds over, a heart/head dilemma, or that you're just a little wound up .... but your exp seems to symbolise 'a mistake' that you're worried about making or have already made.

For a long while, I did think that breaking up with my ex when he was arrested was a mistake, however, I knew he was guilty of what he had been accused of and I knew he would go to jail and as I have my DD I didn't want her thinking that illegal behaviour was ok and made a very difficult choice.

I know now that I made the right choice and there was no way I was going to take my DD to a prison and no way I wanted to and I couldn't continue a relationship in telephone and letters. I didn't really want to have to explain to family etc either. My family are pretty conservative and would have been dead against it as well.

I have spent the last few weeks (since the first dream) if there is something behind this, the baby was kind of planned, it was something we had discussed and we had stopped using contraception and it was like 'if it happens it happens'! Well, it happened!!

As I said, me and my OH have had our fair share of issues and we have worked hard to get through these,

Of course you made the right decision and the exP element of your dream does not mean you secretly want to go back to him or anything like that. However, if you feel like you left any loose ends on that score, would like to get in touch to tell him you're happy.. and are worried about doing so for fear of annoying your current partner or your conservative family, that might fit.

Hmm... I'm thinking you may have hit the nail on the head there, I don't know which prison he is in and I'm no longer in contact with his family and can't say as I would feel comfortable with getting in touch with them.

They probably wouldn't tell me even if I did!

Maybe try write one and not send it??

Thank you!! X