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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I have a cuddle please?

6 replies

RetiredDJ · 04/06/2012 02:31

I'm not entirely sure where to start and please excuse any typos because I'm on my iPhone, but I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face and my DH is away so I need a bit of a cuddle so I thought I'd have a little chat of anyone is still up?

I've had years of issues with my mum. I've never felt loved by her and always felt second or third best to my sisters. She's even let me know that she didn't feel any connection with me until I was in my mid 20s and she really has said some very very hurtful things to me over the years.

Long story short - I said to her today that I felt she needed to speak to a counsellor or therapist because she seemed to hold a lot of resentment from her childhood and I thought it would help her to speak to someone. So when I suggested today that she speak to someone about how she felt she said that maybe that was a good idea as he had lots of regrets, including how she brought up her own children and she had a lot of guilt. I brushed it off because I didn't feel capable of dealing with it at the time but it's the closest Mum has ever come to apologising for or even acknowledging (what I consider to be) my rubbish childhood. And a couple of hours later, now when I'm on my own and have a chance to let that throw-away comment sink in, I'm feeling quite sad and emotional and I thought I'd see if anyone was awake for some hand holding

OP posts:
MaMattoo · 04/06/2012 02:38

Hand holding and a warm hug. It's ok to cry - it makes a huge difference to what you think/ feel now.

RetiredDJ · 04/06/2012 02:45

Thank you MaMatto. It seems to be quite a catharsis to have a sob but it's nicer to do it with a hand being held x

OP posts:
HerRoyaleHoighnessDirona · 04/06/2012 02:50

I'm up too, hand-holding, how are you feeling now?

RetiredDJ · 04/06/2012 05:56

Feeling much better after a sob actually. Thank you. And sorry for the delayed reply. I fell asleep. It still amazes me how much a few words from a parent, even when an adult yourself, can upset you.

OP posts:
Loonytoonie · 04/06/2012 06:20

OP I hope you're ok.

You're probably a bit overwhelmed that your Mum has, in effect, validated the way you've always felt. With this admission, she's almost certainly looking back at your childhood with regret.

Maybe, with lots of help, and with time, you could both start developing a closer relationship based on this new understanding. It's very early days, and she needs to commit to counselling, but her saying that is a step towards that.

Holding your hand here - no matter of age, our parents can still make us cry.

RetiredDJ · 04/06/2012 08:10

Thank you so much loonytoonie, that's exactly it. An I fully believe she will go to counselling, but as I said to my DH this morning, she'll definitely go as she'd never pass up an opportunity to talk about herself! (bitter? Me? Never Hmm )

But genuinely, thank you for the hand holding. It really has helped.

OP posts:
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