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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I involve the police?

10 replies

boomchikawahwah · 03/06/2012 14:14

I was with my partner for 5 years, no children and he was always pretty controlling but he would turn situations around and make me think that it was my fault so a lot of the time I didnt realise it. Over the course of our relationship i lost contact with all my friends and family.

I eventually ended it around 5 months ago and since then have had constant phonecalls and text messages, he has tried every tactic in the book to win me back - begging, shouting, suicide attempt, getting other people to call me, blackmail, threats, crying - everything. He even drove round to my flat to see if my car was there on at least one occassion that i know of. I kept in contact with him because when I mentioned cutting off contact completely, he went berserk however, I tried to limit the amount of times I responded but he would send a text and if i didnt respond within say 5 minutes, would send another, then another each one getting increasingly aggressive. He told me that if he thought I didnt love him anymore then he didnt know what he was capable of, so when he asked I said I did love him. A couple of days ago I had finally had enough and told him I wanted no more contact and we left things ok, yet a couple of hours later I received a voicemail from someone I dont know saying "answer your phone, answer it now", in an aggressive manor.

I just don't know what to do, I feel scared about what he will do next. Do you think it's a bit dramatic to contact the police and let them know what's going on?

OP posts:
Sposh · 03/06/2012 14:21

You could call the non-emergency number and ask if they think it warrants a restraining/non-molestation order? You really do need to stop pandering to him because it'll only drag it all out longer. What he does to himself (if anything) because you cut all contact is not your responsibility.

squeakytoy · 03/06/2012 14:23

The biggest mistake you are making is to keep in contact. That just fuels his idiotic behaviour.

I would say send one last text along the lines of "no more contact. I shall be keeping your threats and will take them to the police if this continues. our relationship is over, and we both need to move on. I shall be changing my phone number from today."

I had an ex like this, the worst thing to do is feed them by responding.

If he comes anywhere near you house then yes, you could ring the non emergency number to get advice, and it will be logged.

IslandMoose · 03/06/2012 14:23

Call the police now. Harrassment is a crime and it sounds as if you are a victim.

If possible, make a list of the times he has contacted you, what he has said and how it made you feel.

Good luck.

IvanaNap · 03/06/2012 14:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

clam · 03/06/2012 14:32

I don't wish to alarm you but I think you absolutely must inform the police. At the very least, it's harassment. At the very worst, he could become violent and hurt you and we will be reading about you in the papers. His behaviour needs to be formally logged.

Please take care and stay safe.

SoDesperate · 03/06/2012 14:34

All of the above and I would also move house! Seriously. He sounds scarey.

AmberLeaf · 03/06/2012 14:35

Definitely report it to the police.

Stalking is a crime now.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 03/06/2012 14:41

Definitely go to the police.

My XH received a caution for harrassment because of behaviour like this - I was terrified.

LunarRose · 03/06/2012 14:55

Yes definitely. But if he persists they won't do anything if you don't change your number and stop replying. Change number, tell him no contact, go to police

Changethatbulb · 03/06/2012 15:12

I echo the above. You have no children, cut him off.

Change your number/email. Moving is a bit drastic but if needs be...

I sometimes had to threaten my ex with the police before he would leave the house once we were seperated. At that time, the non-emergency telephone number wasn't in place. Now it may be worth logging your concerns and his behaviour with them.

I hope things work out ok.

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