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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice about new beginnings please

2 replies

datingadviceagain · 03/06/2012 12:01

Started to see someone I met a few weeks ago at a social event. He is lovely, situation not perfect as he is not working. He has a history of severe depression/PST (military). His past has been challenging and he has been honest about it all. I've moved past the not working thing - just - there is plenty we can do which doesn't involve spending, although inevitably, I feel sensitive to his financial predicament. Think I can deal with the mental health issues as he is trying hard to get more support and generally seems to be stable and is starting to think about getting back to work. So now I am asking myself what he sees in me? We've an age difference - I'm 8 yrs older, he's excellent company, respectful, thoughtful, he's tall, attractive, and as of last night, I can add great in the sack to the list. (Too perfect possibly?) Firstly, I was worried that it was finances. I earn well but you wouldn't know by the way I dress or present myself as I'm a bit of a scruff outside the corporate environment so I'm hoping it isn't that as he wouldn't be aware of just how different our situations are when we met, or even now really (he hasn't been to my home as I have a parent living here). I'm overweight and although a bit of a looker in my day, I am a grandmother with all of the deterioration (sp?) that you would expect. Being harsh on myself as I do tend to have attention when I go out even at my age but in years, I've rarely wanted to let my barriers down - until now. I know I'm also concentrating on the shallow points about myself but hey ho, they are my insecurities! I've told DDs1&2 about him and there is split opnion. DD1 asked me to consider my advice if it were her and I am sure I would say that the future is likely to be problematic, weigh up the risks and if you're unsure, bail out before you become attached. DD2 is saying that you may be passing up a chance of hapiness with one of the few blokes you've actually shown an interest in. Sorry for how long this is but wanted to get all the facts in to ask you wise ladies for your perspective. I'm out of my comfort zone here and it feels easier to stay as I am and walk away, but as DD2 says........

Thank you.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/06/2012 12:47

TBH. I think it unrealistic to expect him to be "the One" _ if you enjoy his company then go for it - nothing lasts forever!!! Just make sure you don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable ( be that lending money, paying for everything, putting up with moodiness cos of his PTS etc)

datingadviceagain · 03/06/2012 13:31

Hi Red, I'm only looking at this as going to next stages really. My work/life balance is out of kilter and when he has asked why my time is so resitricted, I said that I had no good reason to re-prioritise in recent years. He said to me last night that he would hope I would see him as a good reason to change that balance plus some other lovely things all pointing to considering whether we have enough to settle into getting to know one another a lot better. Thanks for contributing.

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