Dh anxiety about ds2

[Ginga66]

That's not a great title but I am not sure what else to call this. I am nearly forty weeks Pregnant. We have a three year old. Dh is an amazing dad, spends loads of time entertaining and educating our son. We both work part time. He also does quite a lot of house work. However, as the time is nigh for the arrival of ds2 I have noticed he has put off doing some. Crucial things I have asked, namely going to the attic to get breast pump and sterilizer and assembling cot, pram And car seat. I have been asking him for weeks. HE has made little comments about ho w I can take care of ds2 whilst he manages ds1. I have quashed these politely, trying not to get over anxious or angry as I am worried now that he will not Wang to be involved in the baby stage. I breast fed for eighteen months and cannot do this again for a few reasons, I have to return to work earlier and I want to spend time with ds2. I have been leaving bottles etc around so he realizes this will happen. He was v anxious with ds1 as a baby but great as soon as he was a little bigger. I think he is prob feeling anxious again. I do not Want to sit him down and read him the riot act as if were as when his back is against the wall he does the opposite and we have been a bit stressed and distant recently anyway. How should I handle it?

I'm not sure what you are asking and although I don't want to start a bf/ff derailment I don't see what feeding method has to do with spending time with the older child. I found breastfeeding a godsend for spending time with the older one who was 15 months. I don't like seeing myths like this perpetuated.

Are you asking what you do about DH's anxiety? I think you need to talk to him to first find out what he is anxious about specifically...

It's quite natural to be anxious, especially if things were turbulent in the early stages of DS1's life. Have you tried actually talking to him about it and asking him if he has anxiety etc? I really feel for you... as everything seems much more urgent when you are so pregnant!
My DD2 is 3 weeks old, and I could have throttled my DP when he procrastinated over tasks I wanted him to do! He just didn't grasp it. I am not saying things work out similarly to my experience, but I will just say I have absolutely loved the few weeks I have had with my new daughter! It all feels far less stressed this time round, and I realise that I was so scared the first time round that I couldn't enjoy DD1 (nearly 6yrs).

Try talking to him about how he is feeling.. I can't see many other ways to deal with the situation. You don't want to make it like an interrogation, you can just ask him questions etc and boost his confidence. He may be feeling that it seems overly challenging to fit the responsibility and needs of a newborn in with the setup you have now... afterall they do take up a lot of time and attention!

Good luck and let us know how you get on x

Thanku for replies. Offeer I am super pro breastfeeding when possible, I did it for eighteen mtgs with ds1. My concern is that if I am the only feeder as it were dh may take ds1 out for his exercise and play leaving me holding the baby and that I will lose time with ds1 whereas if we are both feeding we can take turns with ds1 as I am quite worried about my bond with him being threatened. Does that make sense?
Katykuns my dh is the still waters run deep kind.he might not even be aware his anxiety is obvious. I am worried if I start making links that he will just deny it and get defensive so if I am try softly softly approach it might be better? I know talking is supposedly good but in his case too much analysis usually makes things worse so I was thinking trying a practical approach, I guess if that fails I will have to sit him down and discuss more blatantly. I know I need to put my foot down about the assembly of car seat, cot and pram and am thinking of doing it tmrw am or else just putting them together myself!

No, if I'm honest because "holding the baby" is more to do with your mindset than your feeding method. I was a single mum and breastfed in a sling and was able to spend an awful lot of time playing with my older ds.

It sounds more to me that he's worried that a second child will upset the dynamics of the family. He's obviously v close to ds1. Is it possible he thinks he's not going to be able to bond with the new one?

Don't understand what feeding has to do with a husband and father not lifting heavy objects down for their heavily pregnant partner, sorry.