help

[peppapiglet]

feeling very low. rock bottom. had miscarriage this week. i ended relationship then found out i was pregnant. been horrendous 3 weeks. have not talked to anyone, dont have supportive family. exP has been there for me. we found out yesterday that miscarriage has happened. The decision was taken away from me as i was considering abortion.
relationship with exP was abusive, emotionally. harassing at times.
i cannot keep up with him, he is inconsistent, can be very loving then "turn". real red flags which i knew from the beginning.
i just find it very cruel that the day after scan he has given me an ultimatum to see him tomorrow or do not contact him again. i am very confused and feel very alone

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now.

It must be hard feeling that you have to face all of this on your own. But this man is not good for you. With this ultimatum he's kicking you when you're down, and he really can't offer you anything positive. Getting in touch with your friends, being honest with them about what you're going through, would give you more support that he could.

You finished with him because you knew he was no good for you. He's shown himself to be even worse than you suspected, and you need to stay away.

You broke free when you finished the relationship; that was brilliant. Be kind to yourself, and stay away. You will find yourself again, once you have a chance to take a few lungfuls of clean fresh air away from him.

Have you spoken to anyone, like offred said?
I had 6 MCs, I know our circs are different but it can really help to get your head straight and work through some of the feelings, and about exp too.

You will be fine and it will get so much better, it just seems impossible now because of how you've been turned upside down x

It's because he has got to you and manipulated your feelings. It is hard to admit as person who thinks of themselves as strong and able that another person has been able to work their way into your brain and mess it up and drag you down. Speaking to women's aid means you have to face up to having been abused and it is normal at this stage to feel afraid or unsure or bemused about this and not be able to reconcile it with your feelings about yourself. Every woman I met in women's aid thought they shouldn't be there because "he only" and "he didn't" and "he always" and every woman has to get over the fear of feeling weak and exposed after a relationship like this. You are not weak but you do normally need a bit of reeducation. If you are scared or intimidated I really would recommend them.

sorry ignore first bit, not refreshed screen.

It's a common feeling, but once you can take that step it makes a huge difference.

And practical emotional support with the mc. You can have both.

Support with mc through GP, sorry, tired!

im going to make appointment with gp, i am so low. back tomorrow as going to try to sleep. thank you

Hello

I am very sorry about your MC.

My only advice to add what the other lovely people have said is that if he has shown that he will turn up unannounced and just walk in. Then should should be at your favourite place, with your favourite chocolate and the house securely locked and empty.

Therefore if he has a need to come over and demand you talk to him. You won't be there to worry over it.

morning
been awake for hours reading about EA on internet. In pain (not sure why as miscarriage complete) and feel very sick.
Aussiebean i have looked over my shoulder for months following threats from him. I havent immediately come home from work sometimes as he "waits" outside my house. it isnt healthy. if it was right i wouldnt feel so threatened by this. i want my home to be my favourite and safe place. i lock the door now from the inside, i never used to.

I'm sorry peppa

I can understand wanting your home to be your safe place. I guess that is another way he has proven he is not right for you as he has taken your safe place away.

If being at home waiting for that deadline is too much, maybe book yourself somewhere for a relaxing massage or go somewhere you enjoy, even a movie.

If you do decided to stay home and he comes knocking just telling if he doesn't leave in 30 secs you will call the police. Then 30seconds later call them without engaging in any nonsense he may throw at you.

I hope this helps and will be thinking of you. X

If this is the case you can go and log these events with the police. Have you got dates for them? Does he have keys? WA will pay for changing your locks. When you have made the house secure, and your mind a bit too, perhaps it is worth sending one text to him explaining all the behaviour that is unacceptable and that your relationship is over and you do not want him to contact you again. If he does you will call the police. They need 3 incidents of unwanted harassment in order to warn him for harassment and these can be historic, after a warning he can be instantly arrested - may seem dramatic to you right now but sounds necessary to me.

You shouldn't be with someone you are scared of. Especially after a miscarriage. Change locks if he has a key & don't answer door/phone/texts etc. Hope you're ok today.

How are you?

morning, i have been awake most of the night.
i am exhausted, brain frazzled, drained. thank god i have a few days off work.
finding it very difficult to concentrate and focus. still not physically well either. trying to look after myself as best i can, i havent eaten so will have to make an effort there today. :-(

Has ex twunt been contacting you?

Xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss Peppa xx
Like others have said- get rid of this man.
I know you're feeling alone but please see that you can and will recover from this. If you don't have anyone in RL you can speak to then maybe call samaratins or womens aid, also keep coming here and posting. I've seen the advice from the ladies here really really help others through difficult times.
Be strong and look after yourself xxx

I'm glad to hear you're aware that you need to eat and take care of yourself.

It's so hard at time like these, times of upheaval, to remember which way is up and to be good to ourselves.

You will get through this. Ride out all this pain and uncertainty, and one day it will all be behind you.

Have you booked an appointment with your GP? You sounds so low, poor you, and I think talking with a professional about how you could manage these low feelings will be a very useful and positive thing to do.

How are you today Peppa hun ?