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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does this hurt so much?

10 replies

Fuckitthatlldo · 02/06/2012 18:34

About six months ago I went on a date with this man. We had sex and it was amazing. We enjoyed the kind of sexual compatibility one doesn't come across often and it was hot hot hot.

I assumed it would be a one night stand so was surprised when he said he wanted to see me again and began to pursue me. However, he quickly changed his mind and said he didn't think a relationship was viable due to the distance between us. I suggested we become friends with benefits instead and we spent another weekend together. Again, the sex was really really hot.

We have been in touch on and off since then. I have asked to see him again many times and he has always said that he needs to 'think about it', as really he would like a relationship and he feels that 'using' me for sex is wrong. I have waited around like an idiot, hoping he'll decide to continue seeing me because I wanted so much to have more sex with him.

Recently we began having phone sex and racy conversations over instant messenger, which only made me want to see him even more. However he still said he would need to 'think about it', and I finally realised he just did not want to see me again.

So this morning I gathered up the remains of my dignity and told him that this all needed to stop. That I was not dial-a-wank and if we weren't going to see each other then I wasn't prepared to continue any contact with him. I wished him luck and asked him not to contact me again. I have deleted his number and made sure I cannot contact him.

But I feel so rejected and confused. If he wasn't attracted to me, then why engage with me in such a sexual manner? The sex between us was so good and I just can't understand why he didn't want to do it again. I feel hurt, which I know is mad - we only spent any real time together on two separate occasions. And I feel stupid for having allowed all this to happen.

What is this blokes deal, and how do I improve my self-esteem so I don't get involved in these situations in future?

OP posts:
TheEndIsntInSight · 02/06/2012 18:44

I think your mistake here was pursuing him after he said he didn't want a relationship. I think you may have come across as needy which can be a turn off. To avoid this hurt in the future I would avoid having sex until you've established what he wants.

maleview70 · 02/06/2012 19:06

Maybe the sex wasn't as hot for him as it was for you.

Fuckitthatlldo · 02/06/2012 19:22

Yes maybe. He said it was, but...

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 02/06/2012 19:28

Maybe his wife wouldn't let him out.

hattifattner · 02/06/2012 19:36

snap Annie. Sounds married to me.

Fuckitthatlldo · 02/06/2012 19:52

He's definitely not married. I've stayed at his home, I can call him at home at any time, and I've met his flatmate.

OP posts:
maleview70 · 02/06/2012 19:58

well its a bit odd then because if I was getting great sex from a new girl I would be back for more like a shot as would many men!

RabidAnchovy · 02/06/2012 20:21

He's just not that in to you

Walk away

LucieMay · 02/06/2012 20:36

If a man has feelings other than lust he will make it clear quite soon. Walk away.

EclecticShock · 02/06/2012 20:40

He enjoyed having sex with you as you did him but he doesn't want to take t further. His perogative really. Keep your head up, you'll meet someone else :)

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