dh NEVER asks about my day

[difficultsecondalbum]

is this odd or am i needy?

Are you a SAHM?

Do you ask him about his day? Have you told him you feel this means he is uninterested?

I'm not a sahm. I work part time.
I have mentioned it before but it's never made a difference.
I ask him about his day (which more often than not irritates him), I ask him how he feels (he's usually ill atm).
He does ask our toddler about his day.
I've been watching this for a while not and I'm becoming amazed at how little interest he shows in my day or how I feel.

A lot of people do not want to talk about the arduous hours spent at work after it's over. My husband never does. He's just spent hours doing it, why would he want to verbally go over it again?! And he's uninterested in my boring work stories, entirely understandably!
Does he notice if you're low or happy or upset etc? That would be more loving than enquiring after banalities of day to day life.

'He does ask our toddler about his day.
I've been watching this for a while not and I'm becoming amazed at how little interest he shows in my day or how I feel.'

is a red flag. How much have you stopped being a person, and become 'mother/housewife' in his eyes?

This turned out to be a HUGE problem in our M. Are you there for his benefit? How does he see you? Does he see you at all? These are painful questions, but better answered now, rather than 20 years time.

I have a friend who decided she was not going to mention or offer any information about herself for a week to see if her dp would notice. He did not notice. He's now her exP.

It's because he's from Mars.

Actually, in all seriousness, I think I might be from Mars - can't see any interest in the idea of either telling someone the humdrum of my day once I've finished work, nor indeed hearing about whatever dh has done at work a lot of which I wouldn't understand anyway.

The dc, now that's different. Don't know why, it just is. I'm interested in what they've been up to, but I know dh has been at work all day, and is cognitively developed enough to know when there is something that's happened that's out of the ordinary or funny, or in some way interesting enought to be told to someone who doesn't work with him, and that he would tell me then. Same with me - if something significant / funny / interesting happens, he knows I will tell him, I don't need him to check up on me every day.

It's not a question of needing to find ouit all the munitiae of the LO's workplace, but it's nice to think your DH/DP is concerned enough to just touch base on how the day has been.

"Usual crap, got to work late bc of those roadworks, but hopefully not tommorow"

" Not bad thanks, what have you been up to/ has DC had fun at nursery today?"

Just the ebb & flow of conversation that is the glue of a good relationship.

Have you tried telling him how this makes you feel?
(as opposed to "you never ask" )

I don't think my DH has ever asked about my day.

It's just not his way. He doesn't seek out unnecessary information.

I just tell him anyway :o

Is there some reason it bothers you? Does he seem uninterested in you and what you have to say?

I would find it quite oppressive to be asked regularly how I feel. I'm sure you mean well, OP, but is he that sort of bloke? After most days at work I also have little desire to try and say what it was like (not really wishing to say 'same shit different day' in front of ds ) and some days I actively can't talk about it because it will just start me getting stressed again. I do say when this is the case, however!

:o ruby - my thoughts exactly

My partner asks me every night what kind of day i had and i do the same , sorry but it just seems natural to me to want to take an interest in each other,sounds like a serious lack of communication on HIS part, try talking to him maybe he does not want to discuss work but hey there is other things you could talk about , good luck hugs to you.

Hmm... He is a bit responsible for making sure his DC's day goes well though. He isn't responsible for your day. It isn't a crime, sounds like something you like but he doesn't and so you are irritating him by asking him and he's irritating you by not asking. You need to talk.

If you started telling him about stuff that happened in your day would he listen in an interested (or at least pretending politely) way or would he make it blatantly obvious that he didn't care? I think that's the difference.

Willard Harley writes about this very well. He says that men's needs and women's needs are very different. That each partner needs to understand and recognise that these needs are different - AND LEARN the skills to fulfil those needs of the other.

So, a taciturn man needs to learn to listen and talk (the two most important needs for a woman).
A woman who relies on connection (above) to be sexual needs to learn to unhook the two.
A woman who is messy (me) needs to learn how important an attractive is to a man.

I think he speaks a lot of sense.

It's what we do every evening when I get home from work. DH retired many years ago with disability, I work full time. He greets me with a cup of tea and I ask him what he has been doing and then I tell him a few things that I have been doing. We also chat about anything that has been in the news or what our sons have been up to. Then he makes my dinner and the evening progresses from there.

We have been married for 24 years and I hope we have many years left!

I don't wait to be asked, I just start speaking about my day. Often my husband doesn't want to talk a lot about his day when he first gets in, which I would, but later on he'll say something about it. Our chats are usually lying in bed!

Hmm. Interesting. DH moans that I have no idea how hard he works, this is a constant, been like it for years since I started working from home after DCs were born. Sometimes he just tells me what has happened so I listen and just sort of try to make encouraging noises. He does a similar thing when I tell him what I did during the day, and he does same with DCs. I am not sure I know the answer, interested to see what other people are saying on the thread.

Does it worry you? If you just started telling him would he dismiss what you were saying?

MY DP has never asked me about my day - even when I have said that something important/out of ordinary is taking place. He never says "how did your meeting/interview ect go?" It does irritate me - upset me actually, but I also don't want to say so because I don't want him to ask me out of duty, if that makes sense. I guess I want him to want to ask, not tell him to ask.

I always ask him - that's if he hasn't started to tell me as we are preparing dinner. He usually tells me word for word what has happened and who said what, I listen making interesting noises and appropriate comments.

However, a comment made above made me think. He does notice if I am 'not myself' and asks if I am Ok or what is wrong. So perhaps this is just the way it is and he expects me to tell him about my day if thats what I choose - and if I don't then thats Ok by him too!

Interesting thread OP x

He doesn't seem to like to talk about his day, or to be asked about it, so maybe that's why he doesn't ask about it?

As others asked, does he show an interest if you tell him about your day?

My husband and I rarely ask each other about our work days. If something has bothered one of us we'll tell the other. If your husband hates being asked about his day he probably thinks you feel the same way. Asking about kids days is normal parenting. They become teenagers and then won't tell you anyway.
My mum used to discuss her day in the office with us all every evening whether we wanted to hear it or not. Some people like to offload day to day crap, other people onl;y want to tell each other if something exciting or interesting has happened.
You are an equal adult in the relationship. You don't have to wait for him to ask you about your day. If you have something to say then say it.
Someone constantly fussing over me and asking me how I feel and how my day was would drive me mental.
If my husband didn't give me a hug and seem pleased to see me that would bother me, but not the lack of trite questions.

Interesting range of responses.

DH does thankfully, usually, notice if i'm pissed off and when I tell him something he usually responds with an appropriate level of interest.

In my defence, I don't force him through some ritual at the end of the day or often ask him to recount detail he's not interested in, but, without thinking about it, I do often ask how his day went or something like that, not work specifically. I'm not looking for an exhaustive account, it just seems civil to show some interest. We've been together for over 15 years so it does seem necessary to force a conversation sometimes. Also, as I said, he has health problems, so it would seem odd not to ask about that. If this counts as 'constant fussing' then I hold my hands up to it.

Yes, of course, I am perfectly able to tell him whatever I like without waiting for him to ask, it's just that I've noticed if I don't he never asks. That was what was amazing me. There have been a few occasions recently where I have been somewhere/done something unusual, which he was aware of, but he never asked about them.

Having said all this, he proved me wrong yesterday by actually asking how my day out had been.

• he proved me wrong on saturday, we actually went out together yesterday