Would this annoy you, or am I being over-sensitive?

[mamhaf]

Some backgrounds...our family life is extremely busy - dh's job has become more pressured because of redundancies, so fewer people doing the same amount of work and atm I'm working on an extremely busy project, working 6 days a week (the project finishes in a couple of weeks, thankfully, and I'll then be back to a normal, but still busy, job).

One of our dc is at uni, the other doing GCSEs, and she also plays sport to a high level which means we run her around a lot for that.

Anyway, I'm getting increasingly pee-d off with dh hurrying me along like a child. An example - last night, I was due to get home at about 7.45pm and we'd agreed to go to a local restaurant rather than cook. I know they stop serving at 8.30, he knows I know that. So, as soon as I walk in through the door, he starts chivvying me along to get ready. This really annoyed me - I'd just done over 11 hours in the office and all I needed was a shower and change and I'd be ready to go... I didn't need him hassling me and reminding me.

We ended up having a row and then a takeaway and bottle of wine. All ok, and we decided to go for a quick walk this morning before both taking dc2 to a sport event. Again, we didn't have much time for the walk and we'd both agreed in advance what time we needed to be back in the house in order to get her there.

You'd think, wouldn't you, that he'd know not to do the same thing as last night and start hurrying me up - we had enough time to get back to the house and then set off again.

But, no, we were walking back and I started a conversation with him (without slowing down) only for him to interrupt and say "you'll have to talk and walk quickly". Ffs I know that - I'm not a child.

I blew my top this time - I know he's stressed, but I'm sick of that turning into him stressing me unneccessarily and talking down to me. Anyway, he's now gone off with dc2 on his own - we were meant to go together so we'd actually see a bit of each other.

This probably sounds minor, but what annoys me is that he's not listening when I ask him not to do it and ask that he treats me like an adult.

Doing less stressful jobs is the long-term answer, but not an option atm, and I actually enjoy my job despite the pressures.

Your thoughts?

re nurturing the relationship.I would say that ,and this is a genrealisation,that in most relationships,it is the women who do this more than the men.My DH struggles with this,it is up to me to do it.

You having to get annoyed for something to change.
Was he like that with his daughters to,or is he just like that with you
Is he like this in general,or just with you

Mamhaf, it's awful in a relationship when you are both hitting a really busy period, usually with us it is one or the other and the other one realises this and supports (e.g. cooks more, is more flexible about what we do).

Your life sounds ridiculously busy. I don't accept you HAVE to go for a walk if you are working 6 days a week, not getting in til nearly 8pm. I think to keep everyone sane, you need to cut out the extras til the busy time is over, so I wouldn't be fussing over exercise, or even eating out, certainly not if I had got in that late in the first place. You are sniping at each other as you have created a really overbusy schedule, but you do seem reluctant to calm it all down, even though doing all these extra things (and yes, they are extras in life) is making you have big rows.

Ok, he chivvied you along, it's a bit annoying, but surely normally you would turn to him with a smile and say 'DH, when have I ever made you late?' in a playful way. Instead you had a massive go and cancelled the night out. YOu both need to be less stressed, it's absolutely obvious to the outside you are responding in a stressed manner!

By the way, sometimes when I am super-busy I almost can't stop and relax in my spare time, I sit down and think 'what can I do, what should I be doing?' It takes me a couple of weeks after a really big deadline to relearn how to relax. That may also be playing a part.

Thanks. Normally the walk is a way of unwinding and catching up withbeach others' week, but he was just not staying i'n the moment and enjoying it, instead fretting we were going to be late back when we weren't.

Yes, he gets very stressed with the dds especially when they're in lazy teenager mode, which is quite often! So I think he was taking his frustration with dd2, who was still in her pjs at 6pm, out on me when I got in. She could have cooked dinner, but they had argued instead and she was locked in her room, furious, when I got home. We will get the bank hols back layer in the year.

Oh dear - I'm probably like your husband. Reading that you weren't going to be in till 7.45pm and wanted to shower/change and be at the restaurant by 8.30pm would have made me nervous. Ditto your very small window for you walk this morning - its just heaping stress surely into a very packed schedule.

But I'm aware that I'm constantly chivvying 3 children and sometimes use the same tone with my DH which infuriates him not surprisingly. So if I were you I'd just have a conversation with him explaining how he makes you feel and that you can do things very quickly etc etc.

God - I'm also the person who likes to get everywhere too early etc