Ridiculous excuses DH's and ex-DH's have given for cheating etc

[ParsleyTheLioness]

I'll start. Mine said the reason he signed up for online dating was because dd and I would not go owl-watching with him one night. He said it like it was a perfectly reasonable thing for an almost 50yr old to have said...He still thinks this is reasonable. Hopefully, the divorce will not be too long.

Yes! HerMaj! That was his reason I shouldn't be mad with him after I found out about the other women (note the plural - dumbest woman in Thickonia here). It was all I got. All he got was goodbye.

I am, AF, though if MN had been available when I was in my 20s it would have saved me a hell of a lot of heartache.

'Because you used to be my best friend and then you changed. Now I can do better by walking down the street'

"Because she needed me in her darkest moments and I introduced her to a Church"

and then, later..........

"Because she was there for me in my darkest moments"

and then, much later.................

"Because you love and care for our DS"

Because I had let him down.
Because he didn't love me any more, and never would again.
Because I didn't clean the house.

No, those weren't the reasons, although he DID feel let down by me,

it was because he was depressed, and she made him feel better. Because he had just given up, so it didn't matter what he did.

Because I was being horrible to him and she seemed nicer. Yes really

One of my best friend's 'd'p had an affair and eventually left her for OW. He said:

'You are just too wonderful, too strong, so much better than me in every way...she was way below you and. I could never live up to you so I 'settled' for less, it hurts but I had to set you free to find someone as amazing as you'

The awful thing was my friend actually bought this rubbish despite all of us telling her he was talking utter shite. She tried to persuade him for months that she could be 'less fabulous' and that he shouldn't just settle. By that point the bloke was engaged with a baby with OW!!

Arrgh why don't I ever preview? He said he wanted to set her free to find someone as amazing as herself, I meant.

because I was a 'disappointing wife' who didn't keep the house to his high standards. He now lives in a mouldy bedsit with OW.

choco I bet he is really having to work at pasting that smile of "my life is SO chuffing wonderful as a free spirit now" when he sees you.
When you do get a place of your own make sure the garden is lush and full of Ds's toys though I think that might be lost on him

oh, how life must be so much sweeter in the green, green grass of that mouldy bedsit with a woman who didn't think twice about contributing to the break up of a family

being a McDonald's daddy is soooo worthwhile just so he can follow the path of true romantic, soulmate lurrrrve

what an arse

we're well into the 'It's not fair, why is everyone against me? My ex-wife is so bitter' stages now. I'm sure the OW is having a romantic odyssey with him these days! DS wouldn't kiss him goodbye yesterday :( it must be very hard convincing a nearly-two year old that the course of true love never runs smooth. After all, toddlers are known for their understanding natures.

heh

But none of us UNDERSTAND them. They are the lovers of the century. The hardship is simply a test of their One True Love. She knows he is the One and he will NEVER forsake her like he did his wife and DCs.Until he gets bored and a better offer comes along

While we were married- 'because you've let yourself go' (2 traumatic CS after Ob cholestatis will do that) 'because you spend too much time with the children' (one child with special needs who doesnt sleep will do that)
'because you sit on your arse all day getting fatter' (gosh if even hurts to write that one cos I had thrown it out of my head) 'marriage is legalised prostitution'
'because you are not there for me' (yes I am not your mother and the fact that you never seperated from her properly doesnt mean that I have to fill all your Mummy's roles)
Since he left its been that 'you dont understand language'
'you drove me out of my home' ' you are coming between me and my children'

Oh dear....better stop now. Dont want to fill the thread!

ha yes nobhead that was the episode, it was a great one

can I add that aside from my yoga which was clearly BU, also he was 'jealous' of the time I spent with dcs so I wasn't giving him all my attention.
boo hoo.
yes AF clearly this is an ex

Sorry because im sure at the time it was extremely hurtful, but I find all of these very very funny!

I had a friend who's dp left her cos she didn't like ferrets and he had decided he loved them....lol.

She tells me this is the first time ferrets had even been mentioned in their 10yr marriage.

Ow turned out to have 2 ferrets. Poor ferrets

Laughing at the ferrets excuse

STBXH cheated on me because 'he loves me so much'. Yes, because he loves me he had to shag other women, because he was frightened by how much he loves me, and wanted to prove to himself that he wasn't dependent on me loving him back.

It was some sort of shite along those lines, TBH I stopped listening.

"Because we have so much good sex - you have got me used to it, so I had sex with her as well as you".

at the ferrets

Because I didn't:

• want sex enough
• want sex in the right way
• dress nicely
• keep the house clean
• make him feel like a man
• melt in his arms, like she did.

And I did:

• read too much
• think about the children too much

Loving the ferrets.

Mine said it was complicated but had something to do with the fact that our house was too small I never really understood.

He now lives there alone