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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Narc mum holding back money

19 replies

prettywhiteguitar · 01/06/2012 17:31

I knew it would happen, my mum (narc ) whohas finally got something to hold over me.....money, and I really need it, my granny died and left me £5000.

My mum is not happy giving me the money as we are not speaking, however has handed over the money to my brother.

I just had to tell you, narcs don't change and just love an opportunity to make you beg, question is do I do it, call her up and pretend everything's fine and undone all my good no contact work for the last six months ?

My life has been lovely without her

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 01/06/2012 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateTrivia · 01/06/2012 17:35

If it is in the will, then just go to court. It's legally yours and your mum cannot hold on to it.

Talk to a lawyer.

Do NOT call her up and pretend everything is fine! If anything, call her up and tell her that you are pursuing her legally for the money that has been willed to you.

Xales · 01/06/2012 17:35

Was there a solicitor involved in the estate? Get one to write a strongly worded letter stating you expect it within 21 days or you will go to the police and report her for theft?

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 01/06/2012 17:59

Thanks for the support I thought I might get slated for being money grabbing....

No idea about the will, if I threaten legal action I will get some very nasty behaviour so I will sit tight and see if I can get any info from my cousin. My brother won't be able to find out without asking my mum.

It probably isn't in the will I would imagine as my mum is in charge of her finances she is in charge of doling out the money

She has lied about money before so I'm sure she'll be sorting herself out

Just disappointed she couldn't be a bigger person and call me up, she knows we live on a very fine line financially with two little ones under 5 and this money would be like winning the bloody lottery !!!!

OP posts:
colditz · 01/06/2012 18:00

If its not in the will, you won't be getting it, so write it off.

startlife · 01/06/2012 18:18

My dh had a similar situation - wasn't written in the will but grandfather had set aside funds for all the dc's. She just took it all, even mentioned that she had.

Best that you forget about it, it will only make you bitter to think about it. Get on with your life - your fortunes may change so don't despair.

Xales · 01/06/2012 18:19

I believe anyone who asks can get a copy of the will. Try asking in legal how to go about this?

If you are not in the will then your granny didn't leave you it. Words are pretty meaningless when there is a will Sad I am sorry cut your losses and leave be as you don't have a hope in hell of getting it out of her.

If you are in the will, there are legal repercussions if she is meant to be distributing the contents and doesn't do so.

ThePinkPussycat · 01/06/2012 18:46

Yes you can get a copy from the Probate people. Look on Direct gov for full info.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 01/06/2012 19:14

Yup I think you guys are right I have to write it off

If it was in the will I would have been at the reading or heard from the solicitor

I have just had some paintings accepted by a gallery so maybe I can make that money myself without any help, fingers crossed

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 01/06/2012 19:15

I'll have a look at the probate though that will be interesting

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 01/06/2012 19:50

I thought will readings were really only in films? I've been a beneficiary once or twice but never attended a reading.

Do you know who the executors were - just your mum, or mum and a solicitor or... If solicitor as well then contact them.

HecateTrivia · 01/06/2012 21:54

Get a copy of the will. If it was left to you, take action. If it wasn't in the will, then it wasn't left to you but to your mother, who then chose to give your brother some but not you, but you know her game, so let it go or you'll just get sucked back in. That's all you can do unless you want to take a backwards step. Much as you may need the money, it's just not worth it, is it?

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 02/06/2012 19:46

Thank you Hecatetrivia you are so right, makes me feel strong

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 03/06/2012 05:20

Hi PWG

I am in a slightly similar situation. I am getting married next year and my narc mother has told my sister in law she has money put aside for it.

Since we announced the engagement at Christmas she has not once mentioned either the money or the wedding. She hasn't welcomed my DF into the family, or congratulated him. (although she did write a very lovely card to my FMIL about how wonderful his, but ignored him)

So since then she has not once asked his the planning is going, if there is anything she can to help or offered this supposed amount of money.

I am more upset about the lack of interested then the money as we were not expecting it nor are we planning for it.

But where I think we are similar is that this is a form of control. They both won't us to ask them for the money, to come with our cap in hand and give them the power. Well as far as I am concerned my mum can go jump.

Go and see if you are entitled to it and if not don't mention it. If she brings it up just say 'yes I heard you did that' and then change the subject. Don't give her that power over you. Because if you ask why then she has an opening to put you down.
Good luck

Chubfuddler · 03/06/2012 06:10

The solicitor would only contact beneficiaries if they were acting as executor. Readings of wills are an invention of literature/films. Get a copy from probate, it's the only way to know for sure.

Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 03/06/2012 20:17

Ahh aussiebean but she's not the one getting married so who cares hey !!! God she sounds like a nightmare, mine was but in a different way when I got engaged my exp, basically it was her wedding(cause she thought she was funding it) and I literally had no say whatsoever, venue, food , where it was, I live near York and so does my ex and she wanted us to get married 25miles away near her, believe me it's best that she doesn't give two hoots ! In the end we didn't get married because I just couldn't handle her control freakery

I am going to be totally nonchalant about the money, she has sent the kids £500 so I'm going to send a thank you from them and she can suck eggs if she thinks I'm going to ring and ask for money. I'm sure she will be waiting for me to give in

Thank you chubfuddler I think I will after the bank holiday but I have the feeling she is just dishing out cash willy nilly

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywhiteguitar · 03/06/2012 20:19

Wow can't type on my phone at all that should be get married 250 miles away

OP posts:
SarahBumBarer · 03/06/2012 20:22

You don't always have to apply for probate though - it depends on the value of the estate - and I'm not sure what happens where probate is not required.

HRHEightiesChick · 03/06/2012 20:23

I would check out the will situation to be absolutely sure. Can your brother tell you anything? But otherwise write it off. I can appreciate 5K would be brilliant but keeping yourself sane is even more important.

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