i think my husband is staying with me because he's terrified of being alone.

[eadai]

5 years ago my husband had an affair. it was a reaction to something i did . i went to visit my first sons dad in germany twice for 2 weekends. i told my husband about it at the time. there was nothing between myself and my ex, my husband said he wasnt happy about it but he didnt make a big fuss. anyhow after a month after this i found out he was having an affair with someone he was working with.
for the last 5 years i have tried to make things work . i want to stay with him and i feel its my fault he did this. he no longer works in the place with the other girl.
things have never being the same. he was very sorry about having the affair. he ended it as soon as i found out. he takes tablets for depression and he is never really
happy. i just feel he is staying with me because it would be too hard for him by himself. i wonder was anyone else in this suituation . i dont know what to do. iam 47 we've being together for 19 years. i feel like i am becoming nothing.
thank you eadai

I think a lot of people get to a situation where neither wants to end it even though it isn't working. 19 years is a hard habit to break. It wasn't your fault he had an affair and my guess is that this depression/insecurity/unhappiness he's feeling started earlier than five years ago and is as much a cause as a symptom of his behaviour. He could be sticking around because he fears being alone. He could be sticking around because you've never asked him to leave. He could even still be there out of some sense of guilt, obligation, duty, whatever. You'll only find out if you ask...

Why did you go to visit your ex?

What about you? Do you love him? Does he make you happy? Do you love to spend time with him? Why are you staying with him?

thank you kindly for your replies. i asked him why he stays. i have said it would be better if we split up. he says he stays because he love me . however it always seems like i irritate him. he switches to anger so easily.

i often ask myself that why did i visit my ex, i went i think because i was carrying anger for how he had being with me when we were together . i didnt want to carry it around anymore. talking to him helped me get rid of all that.

i think i love my husband. i like to spend time with him. we are afamily. this is very important to me.

Sounds to me like you both still love each other.
Sounds to me like you both need a heart to heart.
I think you both need to speak gently to each other.

thank you all for your replies.