should i stop him seeing kids for a while and have complete no contact?

[loganberry12]

my husband and i separated 2 months ago now he left long story but i have been through hell and back since devastated and hurt. Any way im on anti depressants and beginning to feel a little better. I want my husband to come back and work things out but i dont think he want to says he wants to be alone and sort his head out. the problem ive got is im finding it hard to except and when he comes to collect the kids it puts me back again and im emotional and cant control it. Should i stop him seeing them for a while and have complete no contact while i heal? i know this sounds selfish but it hurts so much every time i see him i cant seem to move on. I havent really got anyone else i can leave them with for him the pick up from so he has to come to the house. They are 2 1/2 and 16.

Your children need to see their Dad regardless of how you feel. I know it is easier said than done but you have to let them go and in time in will get easier for you to cope.

So sorry. But no, you can't. It's their right to a relationship with him

cant the 16 year old take the two year old to see him without you being involved ? anyway speak with therapist about ideas of managing the handover - do it neutrally and onquickly or handover in public place

Can't the 16yr old take the 2 1/2 yr old out to their dad, you don't have to see him at all

the problem i have is that he only takes the 2 year old usually as the 16 year old dont really want to go or is out with his mates most the time, so its usually just me and the little one at home

No, you can't stop the two year old seeing daddy because you're hurt. It's really, really selfish. Sorry.

Sounds like you're trying to use the kids to punish him for rejecting you I M H O.

your all right im just going to have to toughen up and get on with it i cant stop them seeing their dad and i dont want to hurt him either by doing that because i still love him, im just really hurting

Do you have anyone who could do the handover for you so you don't have to see him? Even if it's just a neighbour.

not really i dont want to involve the neighbors i dont know them that well and i dont want to put other people out

Hi

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in the same position 10 yrs ago and it was agony.

I had my mum to handovers so that my daughter could see her dad without me being dragged back down every time I saw him. I did that for many months before I felt strong enough to see him again. Even then, I kept contact to a minimum for a long time.

Gradually, our relationship evolved to the point where we could co-parent, then we developed a friendship and now we are best friends. Honestly, if someone had predicated that at the time of our breakup, I would have thought they were mad. I felt like I was dying inside, like I would never recover. Total no contact was the only thing that helped me get to the point where we could build something new.

If you can find someone to do the handovers, I would do it because you need time and space to heal. You'll get there. I wish you lots of love and peace.

Lx

Hi I did this..well I asked Ex if I could just have a break for a month or so from dealing with it all so I could get my head around the situation and he said yes. However, it only lasted 2 weeks as by that time just knowing I could have a break from all the crap and my DS could have a break from a stressed out crying mum made me feel much better. A stressed out mum isn't any good for a child either. I now have my mum or anyone else do the handovers as I don't want my DS picking up on my feelings of utter disgust that I have about his father.

Yes children need to see their dad however, children also have the right to a happy mum and if at the moment you are so distressed by it all then I don't think having some time out from it all is going to damage your children or their relationship with their father if it is only for a short time. Talk to him and explain it too him hopefully he will understand. Your children seeing you so distressed and linking that to their dad will do more harm.

Hope you feel better about things soon. It takes time and look after yourself.

I am in a superb place now and much better than when I was with ex.

hi, sorry you are going through this. my H walked out around 8 weeks ago and is adamant he's not coming back. I am now filing for divorce and on anti depressants....... I have the same problem in that he has hurt me so badly come the end, that I dont want to be anywhere near him. But I cant deprive my daughter from seeing him as that would be fair on her (4).

My H picks my daughter up every Sunday and I am managing to have all her stuff outside the door ready and I dont even look at him. I kiss her goodbye and then shut the door and the same when she comes back. It is quite a skill really, when somebody is standing right in front of you and dont actually look at their face! I take her stuff and then just shut the door on him again, all the time not looking at him. I dont speak to him, I dont acknowledge his presence in any way.

He knows that I am very hurt and that this is why I am like it. He seems to expect us to be best friends immediately, despite what he has done, but its not going to happen for a long time, if ever......