Hi there
This is my first post. I have been reading through some of the other threads and I like the straight-forward advice and support that is offered here, and I would appreciate some feedback on my own situation. I should point out that I know what I need to do, but I'm finding it hard to just do it, so some tough love probably wouldn't go amiss.
I met a guy online last year. On his dating site profile, he said that he was looking for a long term relationship, and he's also told me that he's an old fashioned guy who believes in being faithful and honest. I've been on my own for a long time and have been quite guarded in relationships (through fear of being hurt), but I really fell for this guy and actually allowed myself to believe that it might go somewhere. I realised that I had been burying a desire to love and be loved for a long time, and it was scary but also lovely to allow myself to feel that connection again.
We dated for four months, at which point he told me that he really liked me, but wasn't sure if he was ready for a long term relationship. I told him that I didn't need a guarantee of marriage or anything, but that a long term, committed relationship was my ultimate goal. We agreed to see how things went, but that didn't last long. He soon became distant and disrespectful - not answering texts/calls, saying he'd come over and then cancelling at the last minute. I ended the relationship at that point.
We had no contact for almost three months. I suspended my Facebook account so that I would not be tempted to look at his profile. I was very hurt. It had only been three months, but we had been emailing and texting for some time before December, and I felt like I was falling in love. I knew from previous experiences that maintaining contact with him would just prolong the agony. After three months, I felt strong enough to go back on FB. Mistake! He started 'liking' and commenting on all my posts, and as soon as I responded to a direct question, he sent me a text. Very quickly, I have become hooked again.
He's told me that he really likes me, and that he went cold on me in Feb. because he has jealousy issues and was starting to feel that way about me. He said he didn't want to do that to me or to himself, and that he's obviously just not ready for a relationship. We agreed to be friends, but on Tuesday night, we went out, had a few drinks and ended up back at my place. The sex was amazing, and I completely ignored the voice inside my head saying "DON'T DO IT!". Now I feel like sh*t. I cannot be his friend with benefits. I want more. Despite knowing that he is bad news - emotionally unavailable, jealous, etc - I still have a craving for him. It feels like an addiction.
I have to end this for my own sanity. And I know what I need to do - no contact. A few years ago, I was very active on other forums. I had gone through a difficult divorce and had come out the other end feeling happier than ever. NC worked for me then and I shared that lesson with others. Back then, I would have told anyone in my position to ditch the loser and move on. I feel very weak for having ignored all the wisdom I gained back then.
Here's what's stopping me from deleting him on FB and ignoring his texts (it's pathetic, I warn you) - I am worried about what he'll think of me. On Tue night, I was all over him. If I delete him now, he'll think I'm mental. Maybe I am?! I'm wondering if I should send him a text to explain that although I had a lovely time on Tue, I've given it some thought and feel we should both move on. And then the old me screams, "NO! You don't owe him anything. Just get a grip and move on. Who cares what he thinks?"
Please help me, ladies. The truth is, I'm lonely and I want to be loved. I have a great life, but he's the only person I've loved in ten years, and it hurts to lose that feeling.
All feedback will be much appreciated.
Lx