How do I tell him Im not interested in a nice way?

[happyhappymummy]

I went out on the weekend and at a local pub were a few police officers doing random tests. Id been drinking a little through the day at a friends bbq so when I arrived at the pub I was a little merry. A little flirtatious as I looooove the police uniform.
Anyway within about an hour and a few drinks later I plucked up the courage to give one of the officers my number. At the time it was fun. The next day I got a text and was quite shocked but excited. We arranged to meet last night so I was nervous but ok.
He was a nice guy but I felt no spark at all. Now I feel so so bad as I gave him my number, so to him that tells him Im interested. Im not and I feel quite shallow about it. I didnt fancy him but he was a nice guy. He mentioned a few times about going here and there next time and that he would like to cook for me.
I dont know how to say no. Iv been rejected myself and its not nice. Today I could cry as I feel so bad.
Can anyone give me some ideas of how to do this in a nice way if there is one?

p.s. a bit presumptious wobbly. How can any of us know if he is putting on some act to "get" sex or if he is after a relationship? Or do you think all women want is cuddling and puppies and flowers and all men want is emotionless fucking?

I can pull that brothers and male friends card too and I've seen plenty of tears shed by men over women.

Oh dear, it sounds like you had your beer goggles on the first time you saw him .

I would probably go out with him again but tell him you are just dating a few people atm, or do the dreaded friends speech. That should dampen his ardour.

What. An. Utter. Load. Of. Shit.

Of course it is, Bunny. Of course it is.

This website is full of hurt women wondering why they have been so hurt. Hurt that seems to UNIVERSALLY arise from being disrespected or 'not seen' in one way or the other.

What your policeman is doing is putting on the 'nice' so that he gets to his ultimate goal: your open legs.

Jeez, ballbreaker much? He was the one GIVEN the number, remember?

Deal with your issues hon

abitwobbly is right - plus, the police are notorious for using their position to pick up vulnerable women they come into contact with. - ask any woman who'se called them out to a DV situation

Wow, all policemen is that right? Where's your statistics?

What I'm reading from the op is that she gave her number to a guy in a pub who, from everything she says, seems like a nice person (irrelevant that she's not interested). So he was picking her up then, is that what we're saying?

I thought she picked him up!

Well - now she can put him down !!!!

Well, the Op wasn't a vulnerable woman in a DV situation, she was a slightly tipsy reasonably forward woman who gave a guy her number.

It's like saying doctors are always shagging the nurses, some are, but I know lots of nice family oriented doctors who aren't having affairs.

I think some people's bad experiences with men have led to a really skewed view of them, and that is unfortunate.

NotSuchA Can you please direct us to the statistics on policemen 'using their position to pick up vulnerable women they come into contact with.'???

Oh no you can't. Because you're talking complete shit.

The OP gave her number to a guy. They went on a date. He did not ask her for sex, pressurise her, molest her or rape her. He was mannerly, friendly and respectful. He is not now stalking her or trying to use his job to turn her into a sex slave.

The level of assumption, projection and downright stupidity on this thread is laughable but sadly the new norm on MN Relationships.

wobbly you quite clearly have issues. Still buying into and bleating on about the tired and truly ignorant 'All men are bastards' cliché just proves it.

Right, that pc knew you were drunk, he was working (I'd imagine police aren't allowed in pubs in uniform in their spare time) and he took your number. And your worried about not seeming nice?!

I don't think he should have took your number in the circumstances, it's inappropriate.

Can you not just say, I had a nice time chatting to you but I'm not interested in taking things any further. What's the worst he can do?

Oh and your not responsible for how he feels, so try not to worry about it :)

I actually don't like the 'sorry there was no spark' or 'I don't want to take things further'. Even though its true I would prefer a more subtle approach, e.g ignoring the phone call or saying you are busy. I would hate it if a guy said the former to me and prefer to pick up on the subtleties of being unavailable etc, than an honest slap in the face .

But that's just me I guess.

There's no reason to suspect (at least from what the OP's posted) that the man is anything other than an ordinary harmless man that the OP went on a date with and doesn't want to date again. NEITHER of them has so far done anything wrong or even unusual. OP could perhaps do with developing a little more assertiveness so as to be able to say to anyone she dates and doesn't like 'Thanks, nice time, have a nice life but not with me,' without feeling guilty.

Thanks all :)
Well said solid you are right he is an ordinary harmless guy that has done nothing wrong and was a lovely guy. Yes I do need to learn that its ok to say thanks but no thanks. New to dating Im sure I will get there :)