Why am I so irritated by DH's friend?

[Bluesue26]

DH is due to go out with his friend over the weekend and for some reason I'm really wound up about it. I'm never going to tell him he can't see this friend so I just need some advice to try and put it behind me and not get so irritated when DH goes out with him.
Brief history: DH met friend maybe 7 years ago through a course they were on at the time. He also befriended 2 other women. One of the women and friend struck up an inappropriate relationship despite him having a fiance. DH was far too involved in the situation. From what DH said, I think friend's fiance knew something was up at the time. I told DH what I thought of his friend and that he was facilitating his behaviour. DH would make every excuse for friend .

The thing with the OW fizzled out, in fairness to her he bullshitted her mercilessly. Fast forward a couple of years - friend is getting a little too close to a woman at work. DH can't remember telling me this which isn't unusual as he has a shit memory.

Recently friend and his fiance split up. Within weeks he was seeing someone else, however, this went tits up because he blatently lied to the new GF. When DH was telling me about this it was like he was expecting me to be sympathetic but honestly it was the most ridiculous lie I've ever heard and he deserved all he got.

I think what infuriates me is that this guy seems to believe he's a really nice guy and that he's the victim - and DH goes along with it?! He went to see his ex fiance the other week and was "really hurt" because she was off with him. I think he needs to get over himself yet DH excuses his behaviour and blames her. Anyone got any advice as to how I can let this go over my head?

Whilst I don't want to generalise men and women, I think both sexes do see friendships differently. A woman sees a friend as a companion and rolemodel who she seeks/gives advice. A man sees a friend who they can have fun with, be it drink beer, fly model airoplanes, play snooker with, watch footie - and not really want to get involved with their personal lives. Woman genuinly care about their friends and like to be nosey be there for their friends when things are tough.

I had the same problem a few years ago with an ex - his mate was cheating behind his pregnant wife's back and I wouldn't have his name mentioned in the house. I think deep down I thought my ex would be led astray and would be jealous of his friend's lifestyle and would end up doing the same to me.

are you secretly worried your dh's friend behaviour will rub off on your dh and give him the incentive to cheat

You're so irritated because this guy is a slimebag, and we'd all like to think our own partners had a good radar for avoiding slimebags and seeing them for what they are... not making good friends of them and regurgitating all their crap about being misunderstood good guys.

You are disappointed as your DH seems a poor judge of character.

You are right about men and their friends. We meet generally to har a laugh and escape day to day life. The guy in question will often be the centre of his friends attention as he recounts tales of his escapades! Some may not privately like what he does but all will listen and laugh. Men rarely talk about deep issues in their lives with friends like their marriage or kids. Maybe in general terms but not detail unless 1-1 with a very close friend.

What his mate does shouldn't really matter to you at all. A friend I know sleeps with hookers, doesn't mean i will. Just let him get on with it.

@Doormat and LB - I wouldn't lie and say that thought hadn't crossed my mind, however, I do believe that noone can force you to cheat or tempt you unless you want it. If someone wants to cheat they will do regardless of anything.
@GoPoldark - I think that's it to be honest. After I posted I thought that maybe it was more about DH unwillingness to see his friend for the selfish git that he is that was more annoying.
@maleview - You're right, really isn't anything to do with me. As I said before, I think it's more that he and DH genuinely believe him to be the victim all the time despite his behaviour. Honestly, if I told you the lie he pulled on his last GF and how it all unravelled, you'd think I was making it up

Tell us the lie!

:o

i agree bluesue but sometimes our heads race with all kinds of unimaginable thoughts...i have thought that myself at times as i am an insecure person as it is...but wouldnt want to force my dh for befriend/unfriend ppl who he didnt want to iykwim...

all i can say is i agree with gopoldark...we believe our soul partner should have the sameish morals, beliefs etc and when they befriend someone that doesnt have the same sort of beliefs as us..we find it disappointing...

Lets just say he told her he was part of a certain profession, turned out a member of the womans family was also part of that profession and he continued to lie. Unfortunately he ended up in a situation where these professional skills were called upon in a public place and he had to admit in front of everyone he was a liar. His girlfriend dumped him immediately and he couldn't get his head around why?! Does make me chuckle thinking about him being caught out though

lmfao blue...he sounds a right prize knob

:o

Actually, I can see why your DH defending such utter pillockry is annoying.

Bluesue - surely you've got to just rip the piss out of him for that?

I would find some funny comment to make every time your DH meets up with him. I mean EVERY time. Relentlessly. I would also make a point of repeating story in front of your DH's other friends/family.

But I am horrible.