If the man you were trying to dump said....

[Bucharest]

Very calmly and like he was truly concerned....

"But if we finished I'd spend all my time worrying that you weren't coping and that you'd do something stupid"

What would you think about his attitude to you and the relationship? Gut reaction?

(sorry to be cryptic, am trying to help a friend out and don't know if I've spent too long on here or am reading this situation correctly)

I'd think, Yeah whatevs, see ya.

Manipulative, controlling and downright creepy.

how long have they been together? how old is she? because unless he turned up at her parents house when she was 16 and carried her off into her 'adult' life and 'looked after' her ever since, then she has survived this long without him and she'll survive without him again.
what makes him think that he's the 'saviour'?

I would feel glad that I was dumping him, because he's clearly a patronising shit.

I think there's a thread about relationship red flags out there somewhere in the Mumsnet ether - could you direct her to that? Maybe it'll scare her into finishing with him properly....

He's a controlling creep. And it sounds like she's still in the thick of denial about it.

Poor woman. I hope she eventually comes to her senses and gets out.

Can she articulate how these comments of his make her feel? When he calls to control from a distance what she does in her own house; when he tells her, basically, that she's never leaving him because she's incapable... Maybe asking her open questions about her own feelings will be more successful than calling him a creep and a manipulator in her hearing.

Regarding the question in your OP, at this point in my life I would 1. laugh in the guy's face, 2. know for sure that he is a manipulative creep and run very far and protect myself from any further contact, and 3. suspect that he is projecting what he would do if the relationship ended.

Thank goodness she has a friend like you! Imagine dealing with a weirdo like that alone. Stay close to your friend

Tell her that she will cope better without this creep in her life and any problems she has right now are due to his abusive presence. Advise her to tell him to fuck off, never contact her again and that if he doesn't leave her alone she will involve the police and, if necessary take out a restraining order against him.

I had a similar situation with my best friend and her NOBBY partner. In the end I rang him - told I was on to him and I could see what he was doing to her even if she couldn't see it - yet.
He laughed and actually said to me, "I'm not doing anything - just 'suggesting' to her what I want her to do".
Fast forward - no longer together. Took her a while though.

Mushroom. That's chilling!

It sounds like he wants power. Id run and keep on running. You do not want to be with someone like that.

I'm back, and for the first time in months she hasn't left me any FB messages....I think I might be about to be dumped by her....

She is my age (46) we were room-mates together at uni and have kept in touch more or less constantly since. Last couple of months it's been much more frequent, I suppose she's been offloading. He is (IIRC)a good 10 yrs older than her. They've been together about 10 years. They don't really have a sex life. She doesn't fancy him and he apparently "isn't bothered about that sort of thing".

I think I need to let her go and have this w/e with him and see what happens next. I'm not above letting her read this at some point though, that's for sure.

Thanks for replies!

Blimey Mushroom, sounds like human slime.

I would take it as confirmation I was doing the right thing dumping him the sanctimonious twat