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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Affairs and the affect on teh whole family.....

4 replies

nearlyuptheduff · 30/05/2012 13:44

This is a long one but would appreciate help fro anyone that may have been in this situation.

3 months ago my mother left my father completely out of the blue, for one week she stayed in a hotel and we tried our very best to get her to come home. She promised all of us individually (Dad, my sister and I) that there was no one else involved and that she had just had enough. That week I comforted my Dad and my sister and tried to make sense of what my mother was doing.

A week after the initial ?walk out? my father received an anonymous letter telling him that my mother had had an affair over the last few months and had ruined a 7 year relationship. This was a massive shock and life has been hell ever since.

Since then she has:

Called the police on my Dad for forwarding mail to her new house with her new partner

Taken her possessions and stolen a few things that were not hers to take from my fathers house without his permission (including her wedding photos?..?!?!) This caused a HUGE scene in the street as my father had changed the code on the house alarm. He was away on business when this happened. She was fully aware of that.

Turned up to meet me to ?talk? and brought her new partner, when asked he would not leave. He stayed outside in his car the whole time I was talking to my mother.

She has turned her back on all her friends

Not spoken to my sister for 2 months

Refused to speak to my father and collect the rest of her belongings from his house

Not contacted me for 7 weeks

She is now in the process of starting divorce proceedings with my father and is living with her new partner. She claims the affair had been going on for 2 weeks before my father found out... I am not so sure.

I just don?t understand this behaviour?.. any helpful suggestions or advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
MrBovary · 30/05/2012 13:49

I suspect there is a lot about your parents' relationship that you don't know.

oldwomaninashoe · 30/05/2012 13:57

Stay well out of it and try not to take sides, try not to beetoo judgmental of your Mum you really don't know what went on between her and your Dad in recent years or truly what their marrige was like

caramelwaffle · 30/05/2012 13:57

I'm inclined to agree with MrBovary

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/05/2012 14:26

Agreeing with the above, what you're describing sounds rather extreme and emotional and you have no way of knowing what the motives are for any of the behaviour. Break-ups are always upsetting for families, whether affairs are involved or not, but they don't always end up being as dramatic and acrimonious as your situation sounds.

You say it was 'out of the blue' but, other than the case of severe mental breakdown, people rarely leave home and family behind on a whim. It's usually something they've been building up to over a long time.

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