ExH and DC ... rant ...

[cpots]

Just letting off some steam really and it always helps putting it out there!

Posted once before about an unreasonable ExH - selfish, puts self and OW first, pleads poverty, sticks to very defined pick up drop offs (OK as it adds some consistency), often can't have them as he is jetting off to yet another holiday, etc, etc.

My DC children still think the sun shines out of his backside! The 'adult' in me recognises and respects that he is their dad and they will love him whatever and I encourage this and smile sweetly.

Inside it is churning me up with and I so want to switch off this huge feeling of resentment towards him!!

I'm sure I'm not the only one in my situation and on reading some other threads I am fortunate so sorry for being self indulgent :)

I do everything for my DC - he contributes minimum finances - days out, cinema, meals out ... he has them and watches TV or playstation . He has them for 1 wk a year, I have them for 51!

I feel taken for granted by them all ... I have been left in a situation which is very unfair and yet there is nothing I can do about it (DC are my world and the unfairness doesn't relate to them at all; the unfairness relates to ExH doing precisely what he wants, when he wants without any consequences) ... and it is taking hold at the minute when 3+ years later I feel I should be free of such things ... HELP!!!!

In your favour, you have the stronger relationship with your DCs because, one day, they will discover he's not the hero they thought he was whereas you are very consistent and exactly what it says on the tin. :)

I wouldn't personally be too bothered about the 1 week a year access because that's his loss. However, the lack of funds would bother me a lot, especially if he's having lots of holidays and being selfish in other ways etc. Have you tried getting more out of him through the CSA or the courts? Is the 'crying poverty' act borne out by bank statements?

My final thought is do the children know how you feel? A friend adopted the same approach as you with her DCs - never told them what their father was really like because she thought that it wasn't fair to give them the information - and it backfired because for most of their teenage years they treated her as the bad-guy that had 'driven our perfect father from the home'. She had some real difficulties with behaviour etc. They finally found out the truth in their late teens but I know she regrets having protected them from reality.

Thanks Cogito :)

My eldest does pick up on the odd thing, my youngest to a lesser degree. I'm currently acting as your friend did - trying to 'protect' them but they are far from stupid. It's a fine balance isn't it between telling them nothing and telling them things that may affect their relationship with their dad. They do know that OW was involved (marrying in autumn) but seem to like her (glad about this as if they didn't it would be awful).

I just wish I had a 'button' that could switch off these frustrations. He is far from povery stricken, has a good job, etc. I think he feels that the money he gives me is for me and the time he has them is for me ...

Like the judge said to me, "I can't make him be a better father"...

It is hard. I know I offered my STBXH lots of extra time with the kids, and he always says no.... It doesn't bother him not to see them often.

My STBXH doesn't do anything with them... If there is a fair/event he never takes them. He never has gone to their school events.

It is hard not to be resentful. Be strong. Your kids may never understand that dear daddy isn't ALLLL that amazing after all!

I'm having the same problem, dx is employed by his brother so put their heads together to be very clever about earnings. He got a company car so no increase could be declared. Csa help him more than us and won't review his income unless I can prove he earns more, holidays are a give away. He also went to Aus for 4 years and didn't owe a penny. He has only paid for 4 years out of 13.
My son thinks he's great, he's actually a bad influence and has damaged years of hard work on my part.
I wish I could tell my son but I can't.
My dx tells him things I did in my teenage years ie drink, drugs, parties, piercings, It's so unfair.
he's a bully and cheats at everything he can.
He won't have ds longer than he has to but that's a good thing in my eyes.
Luckily he has a decent enough girlfriend but if they split I won't let him go.
I'm lucky really that he has no p rights. Phew!