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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thank you MN and MNers. I will be fine on my own.

22 replies

Molesworthiscool · 28/05/2012 21:40

I have read hundreds of threads on MN and have been amused, depressed, educated etc. The full gamut of human emotions and behaviours is here. I now can't wait to be living on my own. I no longer want to be in a relationship and that particular Epiphany has been truly liberating. I no longer want to live with a child teenager who, no matter what cannot ask me what is possible but who just demands whatever she wants. She cannot have it all of course and I say so, daily. I am sick of discussion, of talking, of compromise, of explaining.

I do not have any family who can help and friends have their own families. Self reliance for ever and ever. No more coming home to a month's worth of dirty clothes dumped on the kitchen table (for me to return to her bedroom until the items are sorted and put in the laundry basket). No more, 'My ....... will cost £X,' rather than any kind of discussion about what might be possible.

I just want to live alone. I just want to be left alone. I do not want to come home and find the furniture rearranged without prior notice. I have set out what I will fund for university but felt it necessary to renege on the mobile contract because it is not respected and the limit is exceeded.

No more asking anyone else for help (courses in DIY and car maintenance coming up), bar the NHS if I am ill (and I do not plan to be)

Family life has been hugely draining all of my life - my parents sucked the joy out of me like Dementors.They are both gone now and the main feeling has been one of relief. I am clearly not good wife/companion/mate material so the two guys to whom I have been married both went off and found other women very quickly.

I wish I had realised many, many years ago that I should have been a loner all my life. Now I can be. What a feeling of contentment that brings.

As you were. Not looking for any sympathy or advice at all.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 28/05/2012 21:44

I can't decide wether you sound sad or happy... Hope it all works out well though

Anniegetyourgun · 28/05/2012 21:47

Congratulations on your freedom Grin

I'm sure you love your DD to bits, but sometimes it's easier to love them at a distance.

TheDreadedFoosa · 28/05/2012 21:52

Molesworth is indeed very cool.
Sounds bittersweet, but ultimately liberating and uplifting.

izzyizin · 28/05/2012 22:10

What a great shame you didn't have your epiphany before you had a dc.

It is to be hoped that your dd has a df or other biological relative who is able to counteract the harmful effect your embittered state of mind will have had, and will continue to have, on her.

Molesworthiscool · 28/05/2012 22:26

Totally agree izzy. The fact that I have spent x years ignoring my own state of mind in order to provide for her is clearly irrelevant. Nice judgey pants! Hope they are comfortable! This isn't just a forum for those who, like you, get it right. It is for those of us who do not but who struggle on just the same.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 28/05/2012 22:29

It doesnt sound like that is how you actually want life to be really. :(

Molesworthiscool · 28/05/2012 22:46

squeaky, you really have no idea how much I really, really do!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/05/2012 22:51

Have you put your daughter out of her home ? How are you "liberated" exactly ?

if you simply mean you are not going to engage in whining for material things nor join in with arguing, good for you (I am having a damn good go at that myself, these days)

That's not what you are saying though. Is it ?

Leverette · 28/05/2012 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

izzyizin · 28/05/2012 23:07

I'm not wearing pants, honey. I go commando in hot weather but, in any event, it's your life and that of your dd that seems to be pants at the moment.

I hope you'll be able to remedy this sad state of affairs; preferably before you discover that there is precious little contentment to be had from being deliberately excluded from the lives of others because you bring them down, or because no-one is capable of attaining your exacting standards.

squeakytoy · 28/05/2012 23:09

So would a good relationship with your daughter not be preferable to virtually disowning her?

I was hell to live with as a teenager and would be the first to admit that I must have made my mums life a misery, but I grew up, and she was still there.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/05/2012 23:10

How old is your daughter, molesworth? Where is she going to be living now?

Shakey1500 · 28/05/2012 23:11

I don't know your situation, am not aware of previous threads.

What I do know, is that by posting this status, you are not as liberated as you claim to be. Else you would not have felt the need to post, or invite comments (even though you state not).

Your post is cryptic to anyone except those that know the history, as is your perogative of course. Eitherway, I wish you well.

Molesworthiscool · 28/05/2012 23:48

My daughter is living at home, currently taking exams, until she goes away to university. I was looking forward to the time when I will be living on my own.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 28/05/2012 23:56

It IS ok to feel that way.... For those who are frothing!

AnyFucker · 29/05/2012 07:44

Then why didn't you say that ? Confused

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/05/2012 07:51

Because it doesn't sound nearly so dramatic!

Northernlurker · 29/05/2012 07:53

I understand what the OP means. I have a dh and dcs I adore so I wouldn't want to be alone without them BUT I know that I am ok by myself. Independance is a complicated thing and a lot of people, women in particular, fear being alone. The OP doesn't. Good for her.

AnyFucker · 29/05/2012 08:10

Don't most of us look forward to our adult children being off our hands and making their own way in the world ?

Don't most of us find that takes very much longer than we expect (and hope for?). I doubt very much that when my dd is only 18 she will be no longer needing my emotional and practical support and taxing my patience

Are we ever really "alone" once we have children ? You can have a few days or even a few weeks peace and quiet, but never really be "alone". OP sounds like she regrets having children, or underestimated just how bloody needy they are, for a very long time indeed. That is a shame.

CrystalsAreCool · 29/05/2012 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/05/2012 09:13

Crystals - quite!

I am going on holiday with my parents this weekend, at their invitation. We are all looking forward to it immensely.

ItsNotUnusualToBe · 29/05/2012 09:21

I hope:
Your daughter has a wonderful university experience
You enjoy the headspacec and physical space you seem to desperately need
You can develop a good relationship with your daughter in the future

Teenagers are just taller toddlers re independence / boundaries. I'm looking forward tomy teenager going to university - and will bite my tongue when she learns for herself all the things she refuses to hear from me (and i will mentally be waving my 'I told you so' banner)

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