Please feeling sad about family

[Fizzybee]

Does anyone really just not like their family's ?

It occurred to me after going to my freinds BBQ the other day I really don't have a family like everyone else they all are involved in each others lives mums who babysit dads who give them advice sisters cousins they invite found for coffee

I only have my brother who agrees with me our family are awful to the extent he's moved to another country

My mother died when I was a child my father has always been a stubborn self centred man and it just gets worse as he gets older to the extent he hasn't been in my house in 5 yrs as its too much effort for him despite refills driving past for his own events , shopping trips etc ... He even attended a event in the nxt street to me on my ds's birthday and never even phoned to mention it I only found out 3 weeks later . He had a garden party last weekend he wanted me to go to he then threw a strop as I said I couldn't find a babysitter as was mild bday and they were in holiday he replied can't they take the dc with them WTF? Then demanded my dp stay with them when I we explained he's on a v important work trip he replied can't ge just miss it?

In the end he agreed That I could bring dc but leave after an hr since he invited family I thought I'd be showing myself up if I didn't attend.

This is a classic example of his behaviour as my d brother says he just can't manage an adult releshionship with us

Anyway went to this party and my aunt and cousins and other of my dads family were there they all ignored me turning their nose up at me (apart from my dads brother in law who did briefly make polite chat)

They do this as a. They hated my late mother Ptefered his ex

1. I'm an unmarried mother unforgivable in their eyes a social stigma

I sat with dc in a corner after trying to make convisation for a while and left after the slotted time

I Just feel really sad about it all I don't have many freinds as my parents controlled my existence and I really was not allowed to socially interact as a result I push people away in scared to let people in my head to tell them anything for fear of being judged

This includes my dp I decided for a number of reasons I don't want to get married no1 reason is I'd have to invite my family and I couldn't stand it , please don't say oh but you don't because I would dp would invite his and I could hardly say no family and not key him and look like an idiot by not inviting mine

I've never even had a bday party for my 18th 21st as I just don't have anyone to invite. About 3 freinds and that's it

I just wish I had a nice family really silly post really but just wanted to clear my head

Don't want to leave you unanswered Fizzybee

You sound sad, and indeed you can grieve the nice family you haven't got. But to allow your fear of what others think to spoil your life is going to continue the isolation for years if you let it.

Marry your DP if you love him.
Make new friends if you want to.
Don't allow people who judge you harshly to spend time with you. Concentrate on the people who appreciate you and make you happy.
Draw a line and start again building a nice family for your DC with your DP and his family. You are part of his family now.

Be happy

I can't really relate but I really feel for you. My DPs Dad's family treats him in the same manner, he's the result of a broken relationship and therefore is not worth bothering with whilst his Dad treats him more like a mate and doesn't really think of him like a son. He broke down last month and it was awful :( They are awful. Much like your relatives seem to be.

Don't let them be a part of your life any more, just back away, they aren't worth it. Don't decide not to marry your DP because of inviting relatives to the wedding, just don't invite them, if they don't care about you then just don't. We'll be taking a similar stance when we get around to marriage and it will cause havoc but is it worth having people who have no interest in your happiness at one of the happiest events of your life? Have a small ceremony if that is better so you can just say that numbers are limited. They don't need to know the truth.

I can sympathise on the birthday front though. Mine went last weekend, I spent it with my DP as he's the only friend I have :( You can get out and about and talking to people more though, it does help!
Where are you? Check the MN meet up threads, I've been to two local meets and it's been a godsend, it's made me be much more positive on the social front and they were both brilliant fun. Also can you check out local mother/child groups? (not sure how old your child is, sorry!), netmums also do a meet a mum section you can sign yourself up for and meetup.com have meets every so often depending on where you're based :)

I hope things get better for you! Concentrate on what you want and lose the baggage!

It's not wo

I do sympathise. My extended family is massive but, because they have a habit of falling out with each other, spreading rumours and starting feuds, it's difficult to have any kind of contact without upsetting someone somewhere. So I'm left with quite a small immediate family that live a fair old distance away, and am quite envious of people with large, helpful, non-feuding families at close-hand. However, I suspect that if I had that kind of cosy 'Waltons' arrangement they would get on my nerves after a bit. :)

My point being that there comes a point where you leave your family behind and forge the life you want. That's the beauty of independence. You get to decide who you'd like to bother with and who you'd prefer to ignore. Don't turn up to family events out of some sense of obligation if you're just going to be gossip-fodder. Have a party and invite who you want to invite. Get married and make it a private affair for close friends only. So many possibilities!!