Can I ask for some MN advice?

[mousseschoice]

This is a MIL one...sorry!!

I have been with dp for a number of years and we have a dd together. DP and BIL/SIL have said that MIL has a spilt personality syndrome and has a lot of demons. MIL told them that her Dad raped her, made her preg and then she had to have an abortion. Years later her first born died of SID at 9 weeks. DP said they grew up around violence, and MIL made various suicide attempts Etc.
Fast forward the years...
MIL is prone to hurtful outbursts such as "Don't let me near DD or she will die", also putting DP & BIL childhood pets up for adoption.
MIL is now a carer for her dad, and now denys anything has ever happened to her. DP & BIL have said bascially its him or us, and she has chosen her Dad.
DP has tried to talk to her to say she needs to report him, (she still denys anything happened) and please let him help her get some help. He rang her tonight and she said (word for word) "I'm not at liberty to talk to you by order of the courts" and put the phone down. We have found out from BIL that she and her Dad are supposedly going to have them "done" for slander!
Now I personally would be quite happy never to speak to her again, but DP is really upset about the whole situation.
Sorry if it reads like a blur, just so very cross!! My own parents have said that the outburts are getting worse and it sounds like she needs serious medical help.
Any advice appreciated!!

Sad for your DP but the woman sounds like a fruitloop. Does she have any mental health issues?

I think she does. She announced one Xmas that she now suffers from Asbergers... She is constantly in and out of hospital for one made up illness or another

Could your mil suppressed that memory

Whatever has happened in her past, she sounds very disturbed.

I wouldn't worry about the slander. She probably hasn't reported it at all and it would never get to court as it's all hearsay by the sound of it.

If you don't think any of you can do anything to help her, I'd may be take a step back and leave her to it.

I'm not sure because DP asked her the other day why did she spend so much time with her Dad and she said "Revenge is a dish best served cold" - This was on Friday, and the court phone call was tonight.
So it really is anyone's guess

Why do they feel she should report him now?

I think she does. She announced one Xmas that she now suffers from Asbergers

She can't now suffer from Aspergers. It's a genetic condition you have from birth. Plus I've never heard of anyway with Aspergers acting like she does.

They've always wanted her to report him for years, I think DP was trying to give her an ultimatum over it, and it back fired.
DP has said (and I agree) that he doesn't want DD to go anywhere near them for her own protection. I just know that he is so desperate to have a relationship with her, not all of the drama

Also you would of been informed of court action even before it went to court

*anyone not anyway

What lifechanger said, I feel for your dh though, it all sounds like an awful situation

Perhaps your MiL is being emotionally abused by her dad (who I assume she is seeing regularly now that she is caring for him), perhaps she feels that she needs to forget the past in order to look after him now, perhaps he has threatened to cut her out of his will if she tells.... who knows?

I would be concerned about her but not sure what her children can do other than withdraw while letting her know that they are there for her if she needs help.

What is their relationship with their grandad like?

Another thought - could they get some confidential advice from somewhere? (anyone got any ideas?)

I just feel really really feel for DP as he's always had to deal with this and it has got worse throughout the years.
The funny thing is she will call in a few days and will ask why we haven't been to see her!

Her dad is quite mobile still - enough to drive a car out and about, so I'm not too sure as to why she is his carer? He has quite a reputation in our area, and has once decapitated a dog infront of his grandchildren years ago.

DP, BIL & SIL haven't spoken to him since their teens

He sounds like a thoroughly scary person. I wouldn't want my mum spending a lot of time with him.

It sound like you need some professional advice.