Advice Re Wedding Speech

[Amanda1977]

Really not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but couldn't find a wedding-themed thread...Anyway, hope someone can help:
My brother is getting married next month and his fiancee has kindly asked my dad to give her away (her dad is alive but for various genuine reasons cannot be there) This is all very well and lovely BUT it involves my dad doing the "Father of the Bride" speech however really he is Father of the Groom....Now my dad is not a man of many words, is not used to public speaking and is quite shy, and my Mum was so embarrassed at the speech he did at My wedding has asked me to write his speech for him!!!!! I don't mind but am struggling as not a lot on websites for "Father of the groom" speeches......Would be grateful if anyone has any ideas.
Thanking you in anticipation.
Amanda

IME the shorter the better so his being shy is not necessarily a bad thing. :) The father of the bride usually has to say something about how lovely a couple they are, chip in an anecdote of the 'I'll never forget the day DS first introduced us to the lovely Doris because she rear-ended the Volvo... ' variety, something heartwarming about DS as a little kid perhaps, wish them all the best for the future and then sit down sharpish. The best man's job is to thank bridesmaids, mothers and tell embarassing stories etc.

Don't you think it should still be about the bride, or about both of them?
My dad has done this for his niece. A summary of her life till that point (skipping any embarrassing bits). I'd say, don't attempt humour when he's shy, and keep it short and sweet. If life before brother is awkward to talk about, then he could stick with how dad came to meet bride, iyswim, and his first impressions, how those have been shown to be true? Nice things basically!

She's from a different country where wedding receptions seem v informal, so don't think she's expecting my Dad to give a run down of her life etc and no way my dad could possibly know this anyway, think he wants to say how proud he is of his son and how happy he is that he's met such a lovely girl, and a little bit about how fabulous his new wife is....

That sounds absolutely fine, Amanda. Are you sure she's expecting him to say anything then? Or is there someone who would be more comfortable with speaking (like you, say )? If informality is the order of the day!

By the way, she's lucky to escape the rundown of her life... my dad brought up that I'd been head prefect... 12 years earlier. I so cringed!

Can your dad collaborate with the father of the bride to give a speech from the both of them? Or is that not appropriate to the family circumstance? (Not trying to pry into why he can't be there, just thought if it was through ill health or - err, being in prison, he'd still like to be able to say a few words).

Either way, it sounds like it'd be good if your dad spoke to the bride to see what kind of speech she has in mind - it might be utterly forbidden to bring up the Head Prefect type comment in her country!

My father of the bride speech was given by my son :)
I would concentrate on saying really nice things about the bride, how she makes her new husband happy etc, etc

And vice versa of course!

My top tips:
Don't use sample speeches - keep it personal
A couple of minutes is fine - definitely not more than 5 minutes / 500 words: Welcome the guests (unless someone else has done so already); remember absent family (her dad) and friends; talk about the bride (her dad can contribute) which of her outstanding characteristics can he trace back to her childhood? How? What is his favorite memory of her / when he first met her what impression did she make? How does he feel about seeing her married? What does he wish her in married life? What advice / words of wisdom would he give? Wish the bride and groom well.
It should be a feel good speech, aim to make the audience smile (not laugh), hyperbole is appropriate - most beautiful bride, wish them the happiest marriage etc.
Don't offend anyone!
If you have to raise something potentially difficult (?alluding to her dad not being there) do it in the middle of the speech, so you can end on a positive note.
You could start but writing out a full speech and then work with him to bullet it down onto cards if that helps him to feel more comfortable- remember to include names (he may forget under pressure & this is definitely an occasion where getting it wrong matters). Try to get him to learn the first few sentences (at least) to give him confidence at the start and so he can look at the audience, not his notes.
Aim to do a first draft and then give it to him to practice (out loud) and see what works for him, he may be inspired to redraft and put certain things into his own words. Remeber, he is giving it and it has to work for him - you are acting as the speechwriter, be prepared for feedback and redrafts!!
Visual aids can work well - photos, memorabilia etc.
Tell him not to drink too much before he gives the speech!

Does he want to give a speech?

Pretty sure my Dad only thanked everyone for coming & toasted us.

If its just a case of her dad not being able to attend couldn't your dad step in for the day but then read a speech written by her father? Obviously if his willing to write one, it may make him feel a little less excluded too.

I agree about keeping it short. If he is shy, it is always lovely just to hear a few heartfelt comments - he can't go wrong by commenting how proud/happy he is, how lovely it is to see them so happy, how much he welcomes his new daughter-in-law into the family. He does IMO need to talk about her and not only his son - but that doesn't mean he has to get into her biography. That often leads to such stuff speeches anyway!

It's difficult to know, because you say your mum was embarrassed at his speech at your wedding - why? Did it bother you? After all, if you were happy with it, I should perhaps tell your mum she is being a bit over-formal (and you say this is not a formal wedding) - maybe his more relaxed and unassuming style will be just what is needed. Did the bride-to-be see him at your wedding? If so, I guess she knows what he's like!

I'm aware it's not really your place to get into why the bride is asking him to speak, but I agree with diddle in general that it's always nicer when people who want to speak, speak, instead of when protocol is followed too strictly the father of the bride's absence could be an opportunity to throw convention out the window and get a speech (or speeches) from other loved ones who enjoy doing that sort of thing.

Btw, the speech I treasure most was my MIL's very brief speech welcoming me into her family - trust me when I say that a very few welcoming words from your in-laws are such a lovely thing when you get married, so I am sure the bride will be glad of what your dad says if he sticks to that very simple point.

Your messages are great, guys, really impressed with the response! As for collaborating with with bride's dad it's not easy as he lives in a different country and doesn't speak English. It's possible her mum might not even be able to make it, it's all v tricky with visas and legal tape.
My mum was embarrassed with my Dad's speech at my wedding as she, like me, honestly thought he had something prepared.....he didn't and think he was hoping for some kind of divine intervention on the day! I just felt sorry for him as could see how awkward he was, his speech was a bit disjointed and stories he started didn't seem to go anywhere....it didn't ruin the wedding or anything but know my mum cringes every time it's mentioned!
As for me doing the speech....I'm prob on a par with shyness and social ineptness (is that a word!?) as my dad and I think my dad does want to do it and is feeling a lot more confident that he knows I'm preparing something for him...or at least trying to!

Even though her parents do not not speak English, but her father could still write a speech, which someone else can translate into English for your father to read? That is what I'd do.
It would be really nice for the bride if her father recorded his speech with a camera, so she could enjoy it later on, especially since he won't be able to be there with her on her wedding day.
If you father does do a speech about his new daughter-in-law, I would say he was very proud and happy with his son's of a life partner.

Maybe look up a bunch of speeches and work out something brief with bits ans pieces from them?

www.keepandshare.com/htm/wedding_planning/wedding_speeches/C11_father_of_the_groom_wedding_speeches.php

He doesn't have to give a speech at all. I've been at plenty of weddings where there was no Father of Bride speech, where sometimes even just the married couple themselves said a few words.

If he doesn't like public speaking, he should either be relieved of this duty or should just be able to do a toast. Why force someone into something like this when it's not their thing?

Thanks for all your help, guys, speech done and dusted and my dad's happy with it. Thanks for that link iscream, found it really helpful. Anyone know how I close this thread now?