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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why isnt friends good enough for him?

12 replies

Emmielu · 26/05/2012 09:03

ExB left me a few weeks back due to being able to spend a lot of time going out places. It bothered him more than me. A few days after, we spoke about it & i said id like to give it another try, he said he was unsure & said a few other things that left me very angry. Since that day my thoughts for giving it another go have changed. I dont feel the same way that i did about him. I dont feel comfortable around him, i resent him for leaving me instead of talking to me about it, i dont trust him, i cant stand to have him hug or kiss me. For some reason i turn away automatically. Hes realised that he made a mistake by leaving me when it could have been discussed but now i feel its too little too late. I dont want to try. Im miserable around him now. Its not fair on anyone for me to pretend to love him & that everything will be ok when im really unhappy. He cant seem to understand that im unhappy & think we're better off friends. He says being friends "isnt good enough" or "not what he wants" I feel like i cant be friends with him at all because he doesnt want to so my only option is to be his girlfriend. He admitted all he'd miss is the physical contact & that hurt because i suddenly felt like that was all he wanted. I've been firm with him & said its either friends or nothing but hes not taking anything i say in.

OP posts:
purplewithred · 26/05/2012 09:05

Do you live together?

Rindercella · 26/05/2012 09:10

Make it nothing then. Is there any reason why it'd be better if you remained friends - do you have DC together? Mutual friends? Work together? If you don't then probably best to cut all ties - he has shown clearly what he wants/misses and it ain't friendship. If you do have good reason for needing to keep things amicable, then do just that, but don't expect to be best friends with him.

Sorry you are going through this.

Emmielu · 26/05/2012 09:14

purple - no we dont live together. thankfully.

rinder - no we dont have kids together but we do have mutual friends & he works in the local supermarket in town. I just think it would be the most mature thing to do. I know what will happen otherwise. He'll say no to being friends now then 2 weeks down the line he'll say "actually can we be friends" I cant be bothered with any of that thats why i figured friends is better than nothing. I think you're right though. I've left it down to him to decide. Im not expecting to be his best friend i just dont want him to hate or dislike me because it'll feel like being back at school. We're both adults so why not act like ones.

OP posts:
Mobly · 26/05/2012 09:19

I think you care far too much what he thinks. Life is too short for wasting. You know it's over, you have said about being friends, just leave it at that and get on with your life.

If he bothers you, change your number and go to a different supermarket.

Rindercella · 26/05/2012 09:22

I was just going to say go to a different supermarket then, but Mobely beat me to it!

Don't continue to engage with him. If you do bump in to him be polite and then move on.

QueenEdith · 26/05/2012 09:36

I agree with previous posters. This relationship is now dead from your pov. It's better to end it cleanly now.

Don't even try to be friends in the immediate aftermath.

Leverette · 26/05/2012 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lazarusb · 26/05/2012 12:28

He wants to keep shagging you but with none of the commitments of a relationship. Tell him nothing is fine. If he makes life difficult for you in the supermarket, report him to his manager. If he slags you off to your mutual friends, tell them you aren't interested in being a fuck buddy.

He isn't worth the time you spend worrying about him.

MooncupGoddess · 26/05/2012 12:40

How old are you? Definitely agree that you should forget about him and get on with your life. It will all blow over, honestly.

Emmielu · 26/05/2012 15:31

Believe me id change supermarkets if it didnt mean getting a train each time to the next one. I am at that point now where i just cant be bothered with him & all the drama that he drags in. thanks ladies!! x

OP posts:
Mobly · 26/05/2012 15:36

Online food shopping?

solidgoldbrass · 26/05/2012 16:43

Just ignore him and put him out of your mind. If you see him at the supermarket, a polite nod or comment on the weather will do fine. If he's stupid enough to pester you while he's at work you can report him to his boss. If he pesters you outside work you can report him to the police if he's tiresome. Don't waste any more mental energy on him.

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