DH walked out and we are dealing with his midlife crisis

[DodoBird]

Long time lurker but never thought I'd have to post but recently things have been so bad I just have too. Dh announced in Feb he was deeply unhappy at home with me and DC. We had just been through rough few months with DD1 being expelled from school and having to deal all her horrible teenage behaviour which made us miserable and the hassle of moving schools etc. DH announced in March he had enough and was miserable so it was either sucidande or move out to his own place. DH and I have had a
good relationship until now except for the fact he is not great with the DCs and we have always rowed about my weight and appearance constantly. He thinks I have 'let myself go'
I think there are far more important things in a marriage than clothing size.
So he left citing stress of stroppy teenager (which is somehow my fault), lack of sex, fat wife and general shit associated with being a parent and
living in house that needs lots of work. Initially I thought there might be OW but there is definitely not. It seems like he has had some sort of mental breakdown as it is like dealing with a different person. He comes back to our house almost daily to see DCs and seems like he has no idea of the shit he has caused me and the kids. I am utterly devasted and the kids are too as at what he has done. Initially he moved out as a temporary thing but now he says he can't imagine moving back to all the stress of family life.

I think the research has shown that men who leave their families, even if they find new love, rarely are happy.

But now my dear Dodo, it has to be about YOU. We women are always fretting and analysing about the other person. You do have to try and let him go and concentrate on what is best for you, how you can go forward.

Do they come out of these episodes...

yes they do. But generally after they have insisted on exploring their solution and thoroughly stuffing up everyone around them.

These are the men on the bar stool looking at pictures of their family - they know they have made a mistake but it is too late

(and don't bother telling him he is making a mistake, because he won't/can't listen to you. He has decided YOU are the problem, and only Events dear boy and the pain of you not being around to blame will get him to see you aren't).

Well said, Abit. I have listened to a lot of these stories and the scripts are identical - the phraseology, the blame....identikit midlife crisises. So sad that they cannot be wise, or compassion. Dear women I have got to know, have been so hurt - some feel destroyed. Children are harmed....they make such a mess of things!

OMG ive just read your post and he looks and acts like that! Though he wont goto docs about it. he has basically said he wants out - not in luv anymore blah blah but wot move out of the bed (no touching tho) and is still letting me do all of the things i used to i.e. washing looking after children, shopping, cleaning etc. Hes carrying on up the gym every night and giong out with his equally unhappy at home friends.

one or two sessions of counselling fo you wont hurt - but leave him to sort himself out.
set your boundaries as to when he comes arond.
have kids see him out of your home if possible, set the boundaries.

attend a seprated and divorced workshop - eg www.drw.org.uk

Tlynn you really need to start a thread of your own if you want to discuss it, you won't get many replies at the end of an old thread.

LOL

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