Crap Sex

[Rosduk]

I l

I love my DP- have a good relationship and have one DD and are currently trying for another - but our sex life which was non existent when I was pregnant until a few months ago just now feels forced, like a chore and well, its just not great :( I think it's a combination of me feeling frumpy with pregnancy weight I haven't lost, his bad hips, both tired, sore episiotomy scar still after a year, he's stressed from work etc. We make time for each other and try our hardest but it's just not improving. I'm in the process of losing weight and he's trying to destress but I can't help feeling like neither of us can be bothered. I know it's not supposed to be like this and we talk about it which just seems to add to the stress of it all. Our relationship is great otherwise. Has this happened to anyone else? I don't know what to do!

his bad hips? elaborate? maybe you could both dress up if thats what you're into, or try some role play?

If it's feeling too much like a chore, then stop actively TTC for a while. It puts a lot of pressure on and isn't nice, can make sex perfunctory and all about the endpoint, rather than relaxing and enjoying.

If your episiotomy scar is still sore, is it worth talking to the GP about getting something done? It shouldn't still be sore a year later, I'm pretty sure!

If you have the time to put TTC on hold, that would be my main recommendation - give both of you a break while you try and re-find the things you enjoyed about having sex.

I think sometimes talking too much about problems of that nature can put you both on a downer. Voicing the fact that neither of you are enjoying it, reinforcing the negatives of why and making both of you feel rubbish about it in the meantime.

Obviously you are trying for a second but could you take all pressure to have sex/solve the problem off for a few weeks? Catch up on some sleep (if possible with a dc ) spend time together, just sleep next to each other with no expectations, let the previous conversations fade a little and then try again fresh? Sexuality is all about phases and maybe you're just having a not so good one at the moment so move on to the next.

Dressing up would be the last thing I'd feel like doing if I wasn't body confident at that particular time but with things like this it's definitely each to their own!

Thanks everyone- I think it's true about talking about sex being a downer! Hip wise- DP has painful hips- runs in the family and there are only a few positions he can do without causing hImself a lot of pain. I know that even those positions can make his hip sore (although he doesn't like telling me!) sometimes I try and move into a better position then the next day I can see his hip hurts but the lack of spontaneousness doesn't gel for getting us in the mood!

What is sex like without trying for a baby? IYKWIM?

I think lie there and stroke each other for now, thats it. Lie down and be close and intimate. In a 50 year marriage, you are allowed to not have much sex for a year or two after the babies come, and you are allowed to be tired and just sleep with faces touching instead of fucking your brains out. Life is not linear and the same all the time. Take care x

IME crap sex doesn't get better, and even worse with added stress of ttc .