How do you know if you love someone?

[chocolatepuff]

been seeing a guy since jan.. We did split in feb for about a month so it's been 4 months. I really like him.. Grin massively whenever my phone goes and it's him, I I want a future with him I think, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with the idea of love, or if it is him, iykwim? What are your indicators that you are in love?

I want to be with my DH all the time, I love everything about him, his sense of humour, his looks, his intelligence, he treats me as his equal and we work really well as a team. I don't ever want to be without him.

At the stage you are at though I didn't feel like that totally, I wanted to be with him all the time though and he made me laugh. I could be myself.

It hit me when we went to dinner with friends and we sat at different ends of the table and throughout the meal I found myself wishing I was sat next to him. Then I found out I was moving house and when I took him to see the new house I realised I wanted him to move with me, so he did and its been over 10 yrs now and we are very happy.

Good luck to you!

What X has said above. I think, with the benefit of painful hindsight, you need quite a bit longer to decide if you want to commit long term.

When even though they drive you mad on a daily basis with their little foibles, you can't imagine a life that they don't feature in every day!

I think lust is the grinning when you think of them, or when their name is on your phone, when your toes curl thinking about the sex you had last night.

I love my husband, and thankfully, little foibles aside, I am still in lust with him too (well this week anyway )

Thank you. I dont neccesarily want to be with him ALL the time, (I have a toddler who I also enjoy hanging out with just her and I) but i saw him last night and I cant wait to see him again on saturday. he makes me laugh and yeah i can be myself around him, lovely feelings eh!
Parsley I have (also?) jumped into commitment too soon in past relationships (moving in far too soon with dd's dad) so am very happy to have space and enjoy having a boyfriend..

Im not going to say the L word yet, although it is at times on the tip of my tongue!

Lackadaisycal (love your name! the sloth book huh?) I trhink youre right, it is total lust at the moment. want to touch him all the time and feel tingly when i think of him.
So lovely to have these feelings back after the relationship I had with ex-dp was completely unaffectionate with barely any sex (which came from him)

Please back the heck up a bit love, you split in february for a reason, you don't know this man.

As fast as things heat up, they cool down.

I've TODAY had to call the police on a guy i've known 3m. Never saw that coming, and remains to be seen if i'll have to prosecute him for harassment.

Think of your son, take things slow, if it's meant to be, it will be.

The spark can be a warning, just be careful.

Thehappyhissy sorry to hear you've had a rough time. I know I don't know him too well still, but we have mutual friends who've known him 10 years, and they vouch for him.. Not saying I trust him completely yet though, it's only been a few months and were still getting to know each other

'Love' to me is how you treat each other when the novelty wears off or the chips are down. It's easy to be on best behaviour when you just meet, laughing at each others jokes, not farting under the metaphorical duvet etc. If you're a naturally loving person you can bond with anyone/anything really. (Some people lavish affection on weird things like pet rats) In a long-term relationship it's what you get back from someone that says to me if it's love. IME that usually involves a nitty-gritty situation where you get to see the real them.

Other people knowing him counts for NOTHING, unless that person is a partner.

Don't be rushed, if you think you're being swept off your feet, if you're not in full control, STOP.

Don't introduce children too early, give it at least 6 months.

Don't be complacent, don't think this can't happen to you. You've said yourself that you have form for this.

I escaped a 10 year abusive relationship a year ago, i've done the freedom programme, group counselling , and therapy. I know all the signs for crappy relationships, i acted on my instincts, ended the recent 'thing' but he's not taking any notice. I'm seeing a different side of him.

I'm sure his friends wouldn't have said he'd have to have the police on him.

Go slow, make sure he's worth it. You are worth a decent man, and your child needs a decent person in his life. Take the interviewing phase seriously.

I?m not sure what love is exactly but I reckon it only happens once 2 people have successfully got through a disagreement/argument without splitting up, sweeping stuff under the carpet or leaving a bad taste in the mouth. What I don?t think it is are those wonderful giddy feelings you get in the early weeks/months when the phone rings and it?s them or you think about them, and until you know someone warts and all you can?t ?love? them as such.

I've been with NP 8 months now.

Being with someone kind and considerate is such a novelty after ending an EA marriage that I wonder sometimes whether anyone who treated me this well would make me happy. But this man "gets" me, shares my sense of humour, shares most of my flaws and never makes me feel bad about myself. We haven't managed to have an argument yet because he doesn't do arguing, (but he does dig his heels in and go very slowly if he doesn't like the direction). He was very slow to mention the L word, but I can discuss anything with him without huffs, hurt feelings or winegoggles "bad taste" afterwards. He was respectful of my DC, his DC, all our parents and friends, and hasn't put a foot wrong yet. I always know with absolute certainty he wouldn't mess me around, will answer a text or phone when he can, and he is my best friend. We've been through the death of a close friend, a nasty illness, and navigating two divorces.

He has bad habits, so do I, but I can live with them, I don't expect to change him, or him me, and can imagine being with him when we are eighty on a pensioner's day out at the garden centre.

I am almost sure this is love!! It is certainly most agreeable

HappyHissy I'm sorry you've had a rough time :( but don't do too much projecting on the OP eh?

Cognito and wine I do agree actually, (thanks for bringing me back down to earth!) it reminds me of something a therapist once said to me.. That it actually takes 2 years to know if you love someone. The first year is full of the 'firsts' where like u said you're on your best behaviour, first birthdays, Christmas, first spring etc. In the second year people are alot more themselves, and if you feel in love after 2 years you have a genuine connection.

I know it's not wise to go rushing headlong in but let's leave the Leave The Bastards till at aleast the second page!

Thehappyhissy, I can understand your concern comes from a place of grim experience. So far he has displayed no signs of abusive behaviour (and I work with dv victims so I'm very aware of the signs)

You know the dynamics, you know all the 'rules' you just need to trust your instincts. I'm sure it'll be fine! If one takes precautionary steps, it's never a bad thing is it?

Good luck, have a fabulous time, enjoy it! ;)

Lemon he sounds lovely, good to hear a decent man has come into your life after the ea marriage. I relate to the stuff you say too.. It sometimes feels shocking and so.. Refreshing to be treated as an equal, with respect.

curryspice!

Thank you hissy!

Lemon, for a moment there I thought you were writing about my DP and my ex. I've been with mine for coming up 4 years and I love him more than when we first got together. He's the first man who I can truly trust wont ever hurt me, either physically or emotionally. He adores me and makes me feel special every single day. I say this without rose glasses on, sometimes I have to pinch myself still. I can't believe he's real, he's committed, he's loyal, he's honest, caring, faithful and 100% a one woman man. His friend and colleagues hold him in high esteem and so does his ex wife. I'm the luckiest girl alive!

The Blue Nile is the sound track to our lives. Check them out on youtube. That man must have also had a love like ours!

Oh, and he's just reminded me, he's also very short, as I reminded him today. He's 5foot 9!

you want them to be happy.
Then, once that's established all the other stuff needs to be worked out eg sexual compatibility/ life goals etc.
I think that if both partners love each other (wish for the happiness of the other) then that makes for a balanced relationship.

Retro, he sounds amazing! Lovely to hear another success story :)

Blap interesting point I'd not thought of it in terms of that, that makes sense to me and is a good indicator the relationship is healthy too