How to cope with DH's drinking

[StrategiesPlease]

regular but name changed to ask for help for this

Dh is a fabulous person and husband who I love dearly we have one small dc.

I am possibly a bit uptight about alcohol and don't want to be unfair (I have my own 'addction/weak spot' which is food and a bad weight problem as a result) but I rarely drink as I don't like to feel out of control or risk feeling off the next day.

He drinks regularly, evenings only -to the point of silly/slurry usually, he says he enjoys it and it helps him relax.
My strategy is to keep out of the way and this reduces issues as I just can't enjoy/relax sitting next to someone in that state.

The next day he is generally ok first thing,though he sleeps badly after a drink, but later in the day often short tempered/prone to bickering/difficult to be around.
I cant just keep out if the way all the time.

I try to ignore, minimise bickering etc ESp when dc in earshot.

Wwyd?
Am I unreasonable in finding this really hard?

If you think you could offer me advice I'd really appreciate it.

the number of units a person drinks per day isn't a criterion for alcoholism.

the NHS guidelines are in place to prevent physical health problems - like injuring yourself and having to go to A&E, getting oesophageal or mouth cancer, damaging your liver, that sort of thing. these problems cost the NHS money so they put guidelines in place to save money in the long term.

they are not used to diagnose or treat alcoholism, and just because someone is drinking under the NHS limit doesn't mean they don't have a problem.

OP the fact that he is having to distract himself on his 3 "nights off" is incredibly worrying. he is dependent on alcohol. perhaps not physically at the moment, but when the emotional dependence is that strong it really is just a matter of time.

his attempts to turn your complaints/worries around on you are also classic symptoms of addiction.

you need a support group, it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. this isn't about getting him to stop, only he can do that... it's about unlearning your part of the addictive cycle so that you're no longer complicit in his addiction.

Strategies my husband was an alcoholic - he died of oesophageal cancer - the consultant said it was directly related to his alcohol consumption. He was a clever witty kind intelligent man - when sober, when drunk he was over the top, manic sarcastic loud - never hit me, but i just tried to keep quiet and keep the peace.
What I want to say is that early on in our relationship i realised three things A) that that nothing i could do would make him stop and b) that nothing i did made him drink - it wasn't my fault, and c) i wasn't going to be like him - i was going to live my life and be strong - ultimately at great emotional and physical cost to myself.

If you're not happy with his drinking then its not right for you.
Join a support group - i carried so much shame that i couldn't talk about to anyone because i thought it was me not him - only now do i wish i could have gone to a support group and gained strength from other people

wish you happiness