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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm not sure our marriage can survive him having a criminal record :(

49 replies

EzraBlake · 24/05/2012 21:03

This is my first. I have no one to talk to about this as we have kept this a sectrey from our friends and family.
Some time ago my husband was arrested for stealing from his employer, it was goods to sell not money. I had no idea until the police turned up at the house. After 18 months of the police trying to get evidence they have finally charged him and he will appear in court tomorrow. I think the only evidence they have is that he admitted it.
The last 18 months have been hell, he kept being bailed again and again due to the police not having enough evidence. The only reason he admitted to the police is that I too was arrested and questioned. This was so traumatic as i had no idea he had even taken anything, let alone been involved myself.
I have spent the last 18 months worring about this, I've no idea what will happen at court tomorrow.
Obviously he lost his job with his old firm, but got another job quickly as a manager of a hospice. He had to be CRB checked for the job, as there are vulnerable people there (terminal etc) even though he only works in the office. Obviously nothing showed on the crb as he hadn't been charged then.
I guess with a criminal record he will lose this job.
I am devestated as he loves this job and is happy there, he has been working there 16 months and has never had a day off work.
We have two children to support. I currently work 4 days a week teaching in a college.
I am scared that if his case makes the press, both mine and my husbands reputation will be ruined, and I we wouldn't cope on my wage alone. We've already lost £200 per month tax credits from april due to the changes.
My husband is the nicest kindest person I know. the only reason he did what he did was because we were in so much debt and were frightened we would lose the house, he was working two jobs at the time - 64 hours a week, so was sleep deprived and under stress. I know that is no excuse but I can see how he stupidly thought he could help.
We have since got help from the cccs and are on a debt management plan, somehting we should've done ages ago, so the debt is managed now, although our monthly outgoings are still so high we're lucky to have £10 left at th eend of the month.
I have gone from angry to sad to worried non stop for 18 months, I just want it to be over, but i'm not sure how we are going to cope or whats going to happen.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 25/05/2012 21:51

how did he get on OP?

sashh · 26/05/2012 07:53

He has admitted it, so he can plead guilty, or, I think, but I am not a legal expert, diminshied responsibility - which is what this seems to be - stress, pressure, family etc.

Is it the majistrate's court? If so the magistrate may sentence him or ask for reports before sentencing.

He HAS to tell his employer, there will probably be a bit in his contract that he has to disclose any convictions, BUT that does not mean he has lost his job, when he applied and had the CRB check he did not have a conviction, unless there is a clause in his contract that a dishonest conviction is gross misconduct.

Go to court with him and be prepared to speak up on his behalf.

As I understand it courts like early admission of guilt, and they like to see someone has support to rehabilitate. Assuming this is a first offence then he should not be treated too harshly.

good luck

Dozer · 26/05/2012 08:19

OP, it is strange that knowing he is guilty you stayed with him, and are only wavering now it'll become public. Although guess that so far he hasn't really had to face the consequences of his actions, and that you haven't either.

Also weird that he/you were thinking of pleading not guilty and bemoaning solicitors' advice - he did it, didn't he?!

He should check his employer's policies on gross misconduct, and be ready to lose his job when he tells them - this is likely to happen. Or is he hoping to lie / hide it to them? (If he does and the press are interested in his case he could get caught out - "hospice manager working with terminally ill is a thief" etc). How come the previous employer gave him a reference when he'd been dismissed for theft?

RabidAnchovy · 26/05/2012 09:55

Love that you can live with what he has done as long as no one finds out about it

ImperialBlether · 26/05/2012 11:11

How did it go, OP?

SaraBellumHertz · 26/05/2012 11:25

discobeads it is totally inappropriate to be advising the OP that a prison sentence is extremely likely that is dependent on a number of factors which the OP hasn't disclosed on this thread, perhaps most importantly the value of the theft which can easily push an employee theft over the custody threshold when high.

OP I hope the hearing went ok and you have an idea of how things will now progress.

SaraBellumHertz · 26/05/2012 11:28

Should be "inappropriate to advise that a custodial sentence is extremely unlikely " sorry

JustFab · 26/05/2012 11:31

I suspect it was very bad news as the OP hasn't come back.

In my book, you do wrong, you admit it and take the consequences. There are mitigating circumstances sometimes but if you try and con the Judge then you deserve the rap imo.

beatenbyayellowteacup · 26/05/2012 11:50

Sara the OP said the value of the theft was £600

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/05/2012 11:53

Sarah - if you had read the whole thread you would have known that the value of the stuff that he took was around £600.

Ezra - how did it go? It must have been a really tough 18 months for you. I hope he's just had a warning and it hasn't gone any further. I'll keep my fingers crossed it doesn't end up in the paper etc and that you can work on your marriage/debts and it all works out OK for you. I am sure he's learnt from this and wont be doing it again!

SaraBellumHertz · 26/05/2012 19:05

chipping apologies I did read the whole thread but somehow missed that.

Regardless, discobeads gave poor advice.

I hope the OP got some clarity today. It is very unlikely that anything would be resolved at a first appearance but at least she should have any idea of how things will now progress.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/05/2012 19:12

Sara - I'm sorry too. I'm just fed up of people not reading threads and ploughing in anyway, but you didn't and I shouldn't have grumped at you. I needed coffee and chocolate clearly!

I don't know about disco's advice - it sounded good to me, but I'm not a lawyer!!

Hopefully they got it sorted out yesterday.

discobeads · 26/05/2012 20:14

funny you should think that Sara, I advise the magistrates and have been doing for far to many years.

I think if you look at the sentencing guidelines, for a first time offender pleading not guilty (bearing in mind if he was sentenced yesterday it would be 1/3 less) for a theft of £600 with no other aggravating factors, the (sadly rather common these days) mitigation, he would be highly unlikely to go to prison, and if you are a defence lawyer (I don't know if you are or not tbh, I'm assuming you are due to your utter astonishment at me daring to give my opinion) then you would, of course, appeal any custodial sentence.

Finally, I am sure that the OP is well aware that this is a chat forum, and not an actual court or law, or a solicitors office, and the advice I was giving her at the time, was designed to reassure - you will see that I have not, and will not give definite answers, only liklihoods, to allow a worried lady the chance of a slightly better night's sleep.

discobeads · 26/05/2012 20:18

oh, and just for the record - i came on here to offer some help to someone. It is no wonder the legal boards get so little traffic, if i dare to offer my assistance to anyone again, it will be by a PM - because I dont think I deserve for one minute the questions and disdain that I get posting publicly, when in actual fact I have done nothing other than explain procedure and interpret the law.

BobblyGussets · 26/05/2012 20:56

Discobeads, don't stop posting. I thought it sounded like kind, helpfull, professional advice.

Much nicer in tone than that of Dozer, who, it seemed, only contributed to the thread in order to be cruel to the OP (who has done nothing wrong) and cast judgement.

PooPooInMyToes · 26/05/2012 21:26

Can i ask, why did you lose your tax credits due to this?

Putthatbookdown · 27/05/2012 17:36

He has not done anything wrong in his current job so why worry? But he needs to tell them in case it gets in the papers. Hopefully the papers will not mention his current job.CRB or not he could get a criminal record and this will be unspent so he needs to stick at his current job

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 27/05/2012 18:40

Disco - don't leave the thread and don't stop posting advice on other threads. It is what makes MN work, if it all ended up going via PM's we would lose a lot. People will always challenge and question it, but just stand your ground and make the rest of us more knowlegable about how things work! :)

discobeads · 27/05/2012 21:19

looks like I may have overreacted just a little yesterday :)

blame the pregnancy hormones. I am here, I am staying, sod the doubters, if they have better advice they should have given it instead of picking apart those people who have

Shame the OP never came back though.

ElsieMc · 27/05/2012 22:52

Discobeads - Good to hear your kind, sound, considered words on here. I am sure they have been appreciated by the OP. Please don't be put off by a minority.

Legals gets low traffic because often the advice is cold and disdainful of the feelings of the posters who often don't conform with current thinking, in particular, of the family courts. I don't think people mean to be unkind, but represent the remoteness of those involved in the process. You have done your best to offer support.

OP - Please let us all know how matters went for you.

Dozer · 27/05/2012 23:03

bobblygussets, I was not cruel to the OP, room for all sorts of views / advice / challenge on MN.

Original poster

EzraBlake · 29/05/2012 17:01

Sorry for the late update, my sister had some bad news at the weekend so have been takiing care of her.
My husband was advised by his solicitor on the morning to plead not guilty. The case has now been referred to the crown court. It seems they have very little evidence against him according to his solicitor.
I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest. I mean i'm not sure if this is a good sign, or if this just prolongs the agony even more.
Many thanks to disco and all the other people on here who gave me advice last week. I expected a lot of the judegemental and hurtfull comments that I also received.
Let me just get one thing straight, I did not say that I would leave my husband if found guilty, only that I am not sure at this moment in time how much more stress I can cope with and whether of not our marriage can survive it.

OP posts:

PooPooInMyToes · 29/05/2012 21:40

What sort of stuff was it he stole?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 30/05/2012 00:32

Good Luck with it all. I would feel the same as you and I couldn't plead not guilty if I was guilty, the guilt would get to me. However, what's done is done, try not to stress about it - it wont help.

I hope your sister is OK too x

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