I hope this is the right place to post this thread. It is about my relationship/friendship with my neighbour.
She and her family moved in next door a year ago. We have formed a friendship, but there have been a number of things said and behaviours that have made me feel uncomfortable. Lots of little things that, individually, aren't a big deal, I suppose; but the cumulative affect has made me wonder whether she is actually not a very nice person.
I don't want to make this post really lengthy (and tedious), so I'll just stick to the latest comment she has made to me.
We were in our gardens yesterday, I was with my DC. I am going on a trip next month, which is a physical endurance challenge abroad. She knows about this. She noticed I had a couple of plasters on my arm, and I explained these were vaccinations for my trip. She asked me how the training was going, I said it was hard work etc. She then asked after my DC, remarked how they were having fun. I think I made some joke about them being harder work than the training. The conversation then moved to children, my youngest is nearly 3, she asked will I have any more? I said absolutely not, I'm too old, we're happy we can do a lot more now they are older. Hopefully you get the picture. Hopefully, you'd understand from all that that I am not pregnant.
She texted me at tea time and asked if she could borrow a book on local walks. I said I'd drop it round, which I did, yesterday evening. I'd had a shower and got changed since seeing her earlier and was wearing a summer dress. When she opened the door, she was with her DP and DC. Before I could say anything, she looked me up and down and said in a sort of sneery way, "Are you pregnant?". Queue her and her DP and DC all staring at my stomach and me doing a gasping fish expression. I just didn't know what to say and felt humiliated. I then managed a laugh, said I am not pregnant and gave her the book. She said, "That's a nice dress" and I then made a swift exit.
Reading that back, it sounds really trivial, but it was humiliating at the time. I don't really know her DP. I hate the "are you pregnant" question anyway, I think it's really rude and intrusive to try to put someone on the spot and force a confidence from them, if that's what she was trying to do. But to do it in front of other people, is doubly awful. And she bloody well knows i am not pregnant nor have any intention of being so again, we just had a conversation about it. I just felt that a "truth" about what she thinks about me (that she thinks I look fat*) just fell out of her mouth. And maybe that's what unnerves me about her. I always feel nothing is straightforward, that there's an underlying hidden meaning or agenda in what she says.
Well that did in the end become long and tedious. Sorry to post about something so trivial. As an explanation as to why I'm even bothering to post this, it's because I often have instinctive feelings, that I try to suppress and end up regretting. I've tried to ignore a lot vis a vis this woman, and I'm now regretting becoming friends with her. Cooling off - which is what I feel like doing - is going to make our relationship as neighbours a bit difficult.
I'd appreciate any thoughts or pointers where to read up on toxic friendships. I feel like I've had a few, it's depressing that I feel this is another one that may be inescapable because of our proximity. Thank you.
(*I'm a size 8-10, I admit I have a pot belly, the dress was empire line)