Mil query

[Tumblemum]

Expecting d? in a couple of months and already dreading issues with Mil. With ds was very unpossessive and always gave him to her to hold whenever we met up. The problem was (invariably whenever dh) out of the room she would then offer him on to others, e.g. X do you want to hold ds as I have to go and do Y. I would be sitting there like the dumb governess.... I said nothing.
Any advice on how to deal. This example is just the tip of the iceberg...

good luck tumble, I think your babymoon idea is lovely.

Your posts ring bells with me as I see myself, three years ago and feeling vulnerable after a traumatic birth and CS, following my MIL out of the room to try to get my baby back - if he started crying, she would walk off out of the room with him! I just used to follow her and scoop him out of her arms. He ALWAYS stopped crying almost immediately, was very much a mummy's boy. I hated doing it, used to go red with embarrassment and she obviously hated not being able to placate him but luckily I had the example of my mum, who was perfect - would let me get on with things and would never dream of taking him away from me.

Continue to be strong about things and don't feel bad about it.

Thinking back, my SIL had a baby the year before and MIL just carried on with me in the way that SIL was HAPPY for: she was only too glad that her crying baby be comforted by someone else as it saved her from having to do it. She felt that time out of her house was a break and I often didn't see her hold her own baby at all while at MILs house. So we were chalk and cheese and that's why it was difficult for everyone I think, to get used to a different style of mothering.

You will have just had a baby and complete histronics are allowed and expected - I would tell her very loudly infront of everyone that you would prefer to allow people to hold YOUR baby - she does this to you because she can - oh after your outburst - say I am so tired and its probably just the hormones so forgive me if I have offended you - then you can normally get away with everything!!

As for people saying mean things - I go all mousy and say 'god that a really uncharitable way of thinking about blah blah's pregnancy - make her feel mean and horrible!!

Trust me X's M was a bitch from hell and I learnt to not let her get away with anything - and using your hormones just after having a baby is a really easy way of making someone look and feel small infront of others!!

Whilst I hated the passing around thing myself it is virtually harmless. In all honesty it does not hurt the baby. If the baby is upset/crying then I would go and get them and say they must need a feed/changing etc. Imagine one day that ds is going to be married and his wife does not want you to hold the baby!!

I would not mind to be honest, I always think that newborns should be with their mums and dads - i think it is a lovely site to see a child content with its mother. I personally would hate to be passed round from person to person.... I hope I will be still as interested in my own son when he has his children, my own MIL virtually ignores my dh... But despite this I am very unpossessive with ds and was/am generous with my ds with my mil but she took and continues to take advantage and play games. So this time I shall do what I want to do which tbh is to be possessive and follow some of the very kind advice on this thread.