how can I ask this without causing him distress?

[skullandcrossbones]

First of all, i'm a bit drunk and it's a bit late, but I really want to know how to ask this.
This is going to be a bit basic, sorry.
My newish bf seems to have an erection problem. He only gets to 'half-mast' for want of a better expression. He can stuff it in/penetrate me, but then he comes, almost immediately. None of this is actually a particular worry to me, I love him to bits, he makes sure I'm well satisfied in other ways.
BUT, I really want to know, does it ever get properly hard when he masturbates? i just don't know how to ask him this. And the reason I want to know is, if it does, then with me, it's a psychological problem, yes?
Any ideas?

Get him to try Viagra. If it's a blood supply problem that will harden him up.

I also think part of the clue may be in the words 'newish bf'

Don't panic yet would be my advice. If it's confidence/psychological, one of the most effective approaches would be to ignore it for now, get comfier with each other, be enthusiastic and appreciative and try to take the lead a bit in demonstrating that this is all about having fun times and feeling nice together. No interrogation, no pressure, an atmosphere of KINDNESS in the bedroom.

See if it starts to resolve itself.

If not, then yes you'll need to talk more etc. and try to get it sorted. If that happens, the trust and care you will have built up over the weeks of making it clear that you aren't examining his 'performance' every five minutes will be invaluable in getting him to trust you enough to have confidence in e.g. going to the docs. So it won't be wasted time.

Softly softly catchee willy, if you like

How about something like this to start the discussion off:

'Our sex life is really satisfying/great for me...but is it for you?'

And surely it becomes the 'elephant in the room' if you don't discuss it rather than the other way round?

Agree with Proudnscary. It needs to be discussed at some stage and if he takes it really badly then, sad as it is, that's his problem. He needs to be open to at least exploring a way of sorting this out because it will become an issue.

If you asked him & he told you "usually", then it's impotence of some sort. The idea of talking to him about his cold hands & feet is a good one - it might get him to a doctor. How old is he? If he's 30 it's a problem, if he's 70 it might be expected.
It's more likely a combination of mind & body, lack of confidence & high blood pressure causing the premature coming, & unstiffness. You could buy some internet liquid Kamagra & dose him without telling him & see what happens.

Really Taghain? Really? you'd be fine with someone doing that to you would you.... bloody hell.

Yeah, I know it would be totally illegal but ... it might work.
Tadalafil and sildenafil are very safe drugs, sold in safe dosages. And if it worked the confidence gain might mean that the problem goes away.

I should mention that I'm male, and did suffer from ED for a while a few years ago. I had were stress problems at the time, and I'm in my late 50's anyway. The drugs do work.

OP - please see my thread called 'Please help me get this in perspective' - and believe you me - talk to him NOW.

I am about to marry a man for whom this is still not sorted and it can cause a lot of heartache You can't ask without distressing him but if it's a problem then don't let it fester.

He needs to talk to his doctor about this. How old is he?

Viagra could be the answer.

hey everyone, sorry to be so late revisiting.
Thank you again for all your really helpful advice/comments.
Offred - that's exactly what I mean!
and coupled with advice from GoPoldark gives me an excellent direction to be heading!
But, Revolting - I will check your thread out
ProudandScary - I have kind of mentioned it in the teeniest way, it's not an elephant in the room for me and I think it's all new enough for it not to be for him. I'm determined not to let it be one too :)