To be honest, I think I'm going to answer my own question here.
I have been with my OH for nearly 10 years. We meet at uni and the first year was just a bit of fun (on both parts) but we realised we had fallen in love. We ended the relationship (as you do) and spent the next three months moping. We ended up back together and I'd like to say, stronger than ever.
After 5 years we move in together and we just loved being together -OH was just starting up his own company and was very busy.....my career was taking longer to take off than planned but basically we were happy.
We didn't really talk about marriage or getting engaged although we would joke about it around the family at Xmas etc...we were just happy as we were.
After two years living together his business was doing well. He used to ask me to come to his business premises and help sort out a few bits as he wanted to get me more involved in his work. But I had a full time job and it just didn't happen. One day (just before we went to visit my family some 3 hours away) he needed to go to work and finish a few odd jobs. I went with him and his dad was there also (business partner). As they were distracted I starting sorting through some of the paperwork for him.
That's when I found it.
A letter from CSA regarding his son.
I felt like my head was going to explode. It all went blurry.....I can remember the date of birth and realised that the date h was before we had meet.....so he hadn't cheated on me but that meant he had a 7 year old son!!! My world collapsed and the next few days were unbearable. We were both in tears, I told him I couldn't get past it.
In the aftermath it felt like the final defence barrier had broken down - he was visabilly more relaxed with me and open. After a couple of weeks I decided to work through it with him. We discussed what would happen if his son came looking for him in a few years etc. We decided to get engaged to show our committment to each other (I know, I know, but at least I didn't demand a baby to compensate!). We have now been engaged for 3 years and everything has been going well. We recently bought a house together and were feeling very positive about the future.
I mentioned to him that I was booking a visit to a wedding venue as I wanted to get on with the wedding now we had bought a house (was always the plan). Anyway, it now transpires that he never wants to get married. But he wants to stay engaged.
Seeing this in black and white makes me feel so stupid but please bear with me......I feel that I stuck with him 3 years ago because he was showing a massive committment to me and now it's never going to happen. I feel stupid as my partners/grandparents etc keep asking about the wedding. I think my mistake was making things work three years ago. I clearly haven't forgiven or forgotten it.
Selfish warning: (I am being honest here) I feel that he has a blood tie with his son and I'm just a girlfriend. The point was that as his wife I would be a 'proper' part of the family.
Ladies (and men) I am SOOO sorry for epic post and if you have read it all I thank you. I really would like to hear opinions as I can not speak to anyone about this in real life.