Punished for DV

[Indiangirl]

Just lost all weekend time with my two year old and I work full time. Apparently I was manipulative for calling the police after husband hit me. Made sure I left son safe when I told him and told him in a public place and arranged to be collected. Didn't leave immediately and wasn't injured. Now punished by the judge. Should have waited for him to kill me as would have got a bit more quality time with my baby.

I suggest you speak to your solicitor about this.

I don't understand, told who what in a public place? The judge called you manipulative for reporting domestic violence??

appeal - doesnt sound right. every other weekend wouod make sense

Speak to a solicitor urgently, and Womens Aid.

Told him what?

And he hit you but you weren't injured? Can you elaborate OP?

Told my husband marriage over in public place. He hurt me but not severely. Carried on pushing and shoving. Solicitors surprised. Woman's Aid useless.

I found it tough to leave. Didn't go to a refuge. He saw a solicitor first then pretended in court it was all a big shock.

I dont really understand, but am I right in thinking you left, but he has managed to be resident parent for your son? You definately need to get a better solicitor.

How long have you been involved in the court process? There should have been fact finding ...at what point did you disclose the DV? What communication have you had with CAFCASS? Is your solicitor registered with the family and children's panels? Or were you an LIP? Why does your ex have residency? What contact do you have?

Appeal!

Ok. So he got every weekend access? Fri to sun night?

Ah, you could be right there then Olympia, I was reading it the other way, but that makes more sense.

Was there any witnesses, police record?

Oh I see. I'm really sorry for you, this doesn't sound at all fair or at all right.
I agree re getting yourself a better solicitor, but you must be as clear as you can be about what happened with a new solicitor.
Your OP was confusing, even if you are writing in shorthand - I say that to be helpful, not to be rude x

I suspect that the OP may not have english as a first language, apologies if that is incorrect OP, I am going by your user name.

Perhaps a solicitor who is also experienced with your nationality may be an advantage too if that is the case.

If you are of Indian descent, have you tried the Nirvana charity? helps victims of honour based violence/DV.

Don't give up, appeal this and get someone else onto your case.

RESPECT is a good help line too, helpful at giving tips as to how to counter abusive techniques

No fact finding, no CAFCASS. That is yet to come. He has always said he will take my son and bring him up with his sister. First time when he was a week old. He denied DV so it didn't happen. I wasn't seriously hurt so shouldn't have called the police. My family were away so I should have run to a refuge. It wAs not accepted that I could leave him later. He sought legal advice first but claimed it wAs a shock and the judge believed only what he said.

Sorry I am shellshocked and nothing seems clear any more. He has full control of me and my son and it appears also the law.

You need a good solicitor now. Go to the CAB and get some advice as to your options.

Your ex won't win ultimately. Believe me.

Ok, so you are in the early stages of the process in that case? I would tend to agree with THH regarding the final outcome but I know that probably feels a long way off to you and quite hard to believe. Stay strong and don't lose hope.

How long is it until the next hearing, what kind of hearing has been arranged and have CAFCASS been ordered to submit a report? Was your solicitor in court with you or a barrister? (If your solicitor and you have not been happy with their performance in court, change solicitor pronto or request that your solicitor provide you with a barrister for all future hearings).

I would definitely speak with your solicitor (and the organisations suggested) because it sounds as though, with no evidence whatsoever, the judge has ordered a drastic change to your child's circumstances. I don't think this can be considered to be in his best interests except in the event of child protection concerns (which clearly there are not or supervised access would have been awarded to you).

...and your ex does not have control over you, your son or the law. It's an illusion he's created and one which he undoubtedly believes to be true and that, in the end, will be his downfall.

I had both solicitor and barrister but my husband played dirty. my son has never spent a night away from me and is only two. Apparently it is because I am controlling and he needs to spend more time with his father than me. And I planned the DV and called the police as part of a strategy.