My brother doesn't seem to care about my DC at all... It is making me sad and angry.

[Redwhine]

That's it really. I only have one sibling, he is two years younger and lives close by with his wife. He has never seemed that interested in my DCs, but I've always tried to involve them both, inviting them over frequently. Recently I realised that THEY never initiated contact, they never asked to see the children, they never invited us over, they never offered to babysit (I only have two very cute and well behaved DCs befor you start imagining horrible gangs!). I started to think maybe they weren't bothered at all about maintaining a relationship. I left my brother a message, basically an open invitation saying you haven't seen the children for a while, just wanted you to know that you're always welcome to come over, we love to see you.

I haven't heard from them in three months, apart from a brief chance meeting at my parents. When I stopped issuing invitations, they didn't bother at all.

It just makes me sad, my children have no other uncles or aunts, to me this was always a special relationship growing up. My DH thinks I should just leave it, he says it's their loss and out DC have lots of people in their lives who love them. But part of me wants to address this with my brother and SIL. Should I?

Unfortunately for you there is no rule to say your brother has to want to spend time with your children, upsetting as that may be. Perhaps they are still enjoying the childless lifestyle and may well want to see them more when they have kids themselves ( unless that is a hidden issue??)

Are you me?

Same here. I rarely see my DB - who lives inthe same town. I can't say that I have seen more of him since I had DS. He now has a DD - and I don't get invited to visit them anymore frequently either.

Perhaps he just has other interests - and not everyone cares that much about children - no matter that they are his neice/nephew.

Don't let it bother you - everyone is different :)

I think it's often the wife who makes the effort to send birthday cards, meet up for get togethers so if your SIL isn't interested then DB won't be arsed (this is my experience, not trying to be sexist). However DB might be more interested when DCs are older and able to play sport or kick a ball around. But it was my siblings and inlaws who had children who were more interested in my DCs, not the ones who had no DCs (they were too wrapped up in themselves).

If they have no children themselves, it could be either they don't really want to be round small chidren, and find it tiresome or they have their own private "issues" regarding children (maybe fertility issues) and find it too painful to see you playing happy families.

Your children are probably lovely, but you cannot expect them to appreciate them as you do.

If you were to invite them over for "a meal" when the DC's are in bed would they come?

Just because you're related, doesn't mean your brother has to take an interest. You don't say if he and his wife have children. My own DB barely acknowledged DS's existence for many years until he got married and his wife had a baby and then... amazing but true... they suddenly took an interest. (They are now utter baby bores about their delightful/genius/talented DS and my DM joins in the gushing tributes but that's a whole other therapy session :) ) Your DH is right. They've had lots of invitations, there's been no obvious falling out and, if they're busy doing other things, don't take it personally.

Don't let it upset you.

They're your children, not his, and he's not actually under any obligation to like them or spend time with them, although it'd be nice if he did.

My only sister's like this, my elder dc is 4.5 and the younger is 11m and she's never done any babysitting or taken them out anywhere, despite living 5 minutes away. She just doesn't really like or get on with children, and lots of people are the same.

I wouldn't make an issue out of it.

Dropdead... They don't have children and don't want any (or so they say). I suppose they don't really like children, I just sort of hoped they'd make an exception for mine!

Supernanny... Were you close growing up? I always thought we got on well, but they don't even seem to want to see us without the children. Maybe they just don't like us?

I think too that your DH is right in this respect.

OP, do they have their own children? To echo other posters on here - if not, then there's no reason to think that they're all that keen on the company of other people's children.

Sorry but as someone deliberately child-free, I don't enjoy the company of small children. Even my niece, to be honest (a difficult only child) although she has now grown up and is lovely in every way shape and form.

Ah sorry, a x post.

We do invite them to do things without the children, eg meals in the evening when the DCs are asleep. They never ask us back. I understand not everyone is into children, but is the odd visit really too much to expect? They live 15 minutes away and it's been 3 months!

My DB is the same. I thought things would change when his daughter was born but no. Though of course she is the most amazing child in the world ever and he expects me to be a good auntie to her whilst barely noticing that my children exist.

He is just a selfish knob, maybe your brother is the same?

I had to check I hadn't written the OP. We see my DB & SIL perhaps once a year, if they happen to turn up at my mums while we are there. They live about an hour away and often travel this way to see friends.

We lived in our last house for 12 years and they never visited once. Meanwhile we visited most of the many addresses they have had over the years except where they are now.

Our children don't get cards or presents, and when one of them took to emailing DB regularly (both interested in IT) DB asked me to tell him to stop

Gobblers... Maybe. A bit. :o

Sabriel... What an arsehole! I hope he realises your DC will be deciding which nursing home to put him in when he gets old!

OP they're under no obligation to see your children. I'm sorry but you're falling a little bit into the 'I adore my kids so of course everyone else will too' trap. They've said they don't want children themselves. One way of interpreting that is that they aren't interested in kids so why should yours interest them. Another way of interpreting it is maybe that's a cover and they can't have kids and find being with yours a painful reminder of that?

Either way, don't lose too much sleep over it. You might find things change when your children are closer to adult age.

You can't make them interested I'm afraid. My brother has seen DD2 once, he only saw her then because it was a big family occasion.

He is an antisocial bugger though. My other brother really wasn't interested until he had a child himself.

I would never expect even my now child friendly brother to babysit though - we see him so rarely that those times are family times iyswim.

Just accept the relationship you have & see them on your own terms. You can't recreate ideal relationships from your childhood if the participants aren't willing.

Helltotheno... I understand what you're saying. However, I have said I understand not everyone likes children, I don't expect my DB and SIl to adore my children and want to see them all the time. I just expect an interest... Because he is my brother and they are mine and I love them! I take an interest in his job, her job, their hobbies. Because surely that is what you do with your family. I'm not especially into children to be honest, in a general sense (whilst adoring my own). But prior to having children, I always took an interest in my friends kids, not because I liked kids so much as I LIKED MY FRIENDS, so therefore cared for their sake.

Loony... In that case I probably won't see them at all, except Christmas etc... I know I can't change how they are. It just makes me sad.

very quickly, just wanted to say i had this with my mother. she was reluctant to meet us airport when we moved back to uk with first child.

very sporadic visits (always my instigating) although she'd call (but never ask about children

months would go by (we live in london)

she forgot the name of my second girl!

i felt hurt, rejected and despondent and sometimes wanted to cut contact

BUT

We kept the faith and kept inviting her and she came round and invited her on a holiday and she agreed and enjoyed it and says she feels part of oir new bigger family so things are really good now. there were some issues she was dealing with and i'm so glad i did't let her have both barrels as you can't get those cartridges back in the chamber