When dh and I first met, we had sex all the time. As with all other relationships I've been in, as time went on we started to do it less frequently and, when we moved in together it was generally once a week, usually at the weekend. After the dc were born I was often too tired and we could go weeks without doing it and that really didn't bother me but it really bothered dh. He was asking me every Friday and Saturday and I made excuses because I really didn't feel like it. Most of the time it's because I'm too tired. When I'm tired I can't get turned on enough to orgasm and I just get irritated when he touches me. I don't mind just having intercourse but that's not enough for dh. If dd went to sleep before 10pm then it wouldn't be such an issue because we could go up to bed early. I feel much more like it in the morning but often ds wakes early so it's not always possible.
We never really discussed this until late last year. I made an effort to initiate sex and try to do it more but that only made dh want it more and ask more often. One time we were both working from home and I got back into bed with him after dropping the dc off at breakfast club. Dh started working from home more frequently and on two occasions he came downstairs to find out if I was coming back to bed. He stopped working from home after that. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I was fed up with him asking me all the time and I feel under pressure. I can understand how dh is feeling because I was in his positition in a relationship once but that doesn't stop me feeling the way I do now. Dh would do it every day if he could but I could go for weeks. When we do go for weeks without doing it, dh gets quite angry and shouts at the kids a lot.
I hate feeling like this because sex is supposed to be fun and something you should want to do with your husband. It's not like I never feel like doing it but it's normally at an inconvenient time and, by the time dd is asleep, for example, the feeling's gone and I just want to go to sleep. Dh asked if I would want to do it more if he worked from home (i.e. at lunch time or before we start) but I think I would just end up feeling like he is expecting it so I'd feel under pressure again, and if I didn't feel like it that day, he'd get upset.
I don't know how to reach a compromise and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or could share their experiences with me.