How ungrateful!

[JazleEd]

i booked a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend, which was paintballing and then a meal. So i asked 6 other people (including myself) to go. They all said yes. Then once i booked it. Two backed out. Found one replacement. Then the night before the surprise. Another backed out. So thats two people i had to find. Then the morning came and we had to get up. I told him to get up and i explained the day, he refused and said that paintballing is not his sort of thing. I went mental. He did say the last thing he want to be is rude. But to fucking late now. So then i had to go all the way there just to cancel and they said that i had to call the office in the morning (which is today) and i doubt ill get my money back. I cant believe how ungrateful he was about all this, not even try it out. Hes acting as tho nothings happened (as he and his family does about everything). Then when i said a few things bout it he shaked his head at me because i didnt listen to him when he said 'paintballing doesnt sound like fun to me, i dont like group activites, im sorry i dont mean to be rude, i told u ages ago i didnt like it, u only booked it for me cos u really wanna go, and i bet u dont even listen to me'. Hes one of those people that when u dont wanna do anything u really dont do it.

I am very angry

Had he told you ages ago that he didn't like paintballing and group activities?

If my DH was daft enough to book a surprise birthday party for me that included a compulsory activity that I wouldn't like (bungee jumping would be the worst) then I wouldn't do the activity but would still go and watch if possible.

You don't really have that option with paintballing so if he said he didn't like it then you shouldn't have booked it.

If that's true then YABU and you've done the wrong thing.

I agree. If that's not his idea of a great day out and if he's said so in the past then it wasn't a good choice for a party. Also, if you already know he's the kind of person that won't just go along with the crowd to keep the peace, maybe the whole idea of a surprise anything is a bit of a non-starter?

Well hes never said he doesnt like group activites, but then again hes always one to be on his own, and when we first met we walked past a paintball stall and he said he wouldnt like it, but that was years ago and i didnt remember that until he mentioned it. I asked both his parents n they said it'll be a good idea. Plus he goes shooting with his dad and and plays a load of shooting games on consoles, so thats why i thought of it. No u cant watch paintballing. But i would of been happier if he at least tried it or used a better tone in explaining it, so i didnt feel like he threw it in my face

Oh crap i didnt think like that

But i thought since we've been through a rough patch this'll take our minds off it and have some fun.

He said 'the last thing he wanted was to be rude'.... he hasn't 'thrown it in your face', he's actually been direct but pretty reasonable. You've chosen to take it as a personal attack.

Well I hate paint balling and would rather set fire to myself than do it so if DP arranged it for my birthday I would be pissed off that he didn't know me well enough to realise that it would be my worst nightmare!! Also DP loves it so I would know he'd booked it so he could go and enjoy himself!!
I agree he was a bit rude the way he told you but I suppose there is always a chance that surprises won't work out as planned. Is there anyone else you can send to avoid losing all your money?

You dont seem to know him very well.

Shooting and paintballing are very different things you know. I think in future you need to ask him what he would like to do, ask him for a few suggestions and then pick something, so that way at least there is a certain element of surprise.

Why did you not just go and do the paint ball with the people you had ask to go and leave him at home?

But i thought since we've been through a rough patch this'll take our minds off it and have some fun.

YABU

You should have chosen something that you knew he really liked doing.

Sorry, but you should apologise to him for overreacting.

Why should he make a sacrifice to get his birthday party/present?

I'd have gone along with the rest of the group, even if he chose not to - why let everyone down over his churlishness?

He sounds like a brat, tantruming over the wrong gift at Christmas IMO

You tried your best, you had no clear indication that he'd hate the idea, given his chosen passtimes, I think it was reasonable of you to conclude that he may enjoy paintballing.

I can relate to not enjoying 'group activities' per se but if that group consisted of friends (and I assume this group was) I don't think you were wrong to think he'd tolerate and maybe even enjoy their company.

I did apoligise afterwards, and we had a chat, thankyou for your opinion, its really put my mind into different perspective, which is what i should of done to begin with. Sorry i didnt mean to put the same comment again. My mind just been mush lately that i wanted to do something nice for him.